I Can't Expect Perfection

I am a perfectionist to the extreme. Well, almost. I'm getting better about it. But I still get really upset sometimes when I mess up. It's a natural reaction. For example, this morning I overslept and missed seminary. At first I was really mad at myself. "Come on, Whitney! This is the third or fourth time this has happened this semester! What gives? You're better than this! Step it up! What will people think about you? What do you think about you?" Obviously, these are not productive thoughts. Actually, thoughts like these come from the adversary, who wants us to make us discouraged and miserable. When I realized how hard I was being on myself, I began thinking in a different manner. "This was just a silly mistake. It's alright. It's not fair to expect perfection from yourself because mortality makes it impossible for you to be perfect. You're doing the best you can and that is enough." Once I changed my thought patterns like this, my whole morning changed. I was happy and able to forgive and love myself.

I have been catching myself doing this quite often, lately. I'll make a mistake and begin to berate myself for it, then realize what I'm doing and be kind. It has been so eye-opening to me. It is liberating. When I make mistakes, whether it's in Spanish class or Orchestra, where it feels like everyone expects me to be perfect, or just in daily living, I can forgive myself because my Savior forgives me. If I am good enough for Him, I must be good enough for me. Choosing not to dwell on past mistakes and mishaps is changing my outlook and changing my life. It is wonderful. I'm so grateful for my Redeemer and the atonement He made which makes this possible. I know that all things are possible through Him, and through our Father in Heaven.

Medallion Moments

People really do notice the little things.

I received my Young Women's medallion in December. I was so excited!! I decided that I was going to wear it everyday because I loved how it made me feel. When wearing my medallion, I always knew my identity and my future, the temple. Having such a tangible reminder of my divine nature and worth helps me to feel close to my Father in Heaven and my Savior all the time. However, always wearing my medallion has blessed me in more ways than just that. In fact, it has blessed other people, too. 

It seems like EVERYBODY notices my medallion. All the time friends, teachers and random people comment on my necklace and ask me questions about it. The most common question being, "Is that the Disney World Castle?". (I find that hilarious, actually.) Being asked about my medallion invites a wonderful missionary moment to explain to that person about the temple. I am able to simply state, "Actually no. It's the temple." Most people know I'm LDS, but if they don't, it gives me the opportunity to share that with them as well. Depending on the person's interest level, I am able to explain varying amounts of information about the temple. I make sure that my love for the temple comes through the words I use. Then I'm sure to mention the temple that is currently being built in the state where we live, and how ecstatic I am for it to be completed. I have extended several invitations to people to tour the temple during its open house once it's completed, which invitations have been eagerly accepted by my friends. 

It's kind of mind-blowing to me how something so small as a necklace can have such a profound influence on me and those around me. I'm so grateful for the opportunities The Lord gives me to share His gospel. 

Take His Yoke Upon You

It's late at night, I'm stressed out, I have tons of stuff to do, and I really need sleep. So, naturally, I write a blog post.

God has so many blessings set aside for each of us, but many of them are dependent upon us asking for them. And we have to ask the right way. Here's an example from real life. Today.

I have an important audition tomorrow that I've been worrying about. I'm on the verge of feeling prepared for it, but I've been stressing. So, this morning I prayed about it. The prayer went something like this:

"Please bless me that I will do well on my audition. Please help me to be at peace and to be calm. Help me to reach my goal."

Eh, not bad. But not good. I did feel more at peace, but I didn't necessarily feel more confident. But I kept praying and humbling myself throughout the day. This evening, I realized how I needed to word things, and accordingly prayed a bit differently:

"I can't do this by myself. I need thy help. Please help my to play my absolute best, and to be able to happily accept whatever the results are."

And now I feel much better. I feel more at peace AND confident. This morning, while I was praying, it was really hard to let go of my fear and negative emotions. I knew that I had to consciously give them over to Christ. The phrase "Take My yoke upon you" kept coming to my mind. I knew that He could help make my burden light. That's what the atonement is about. It's not always about sin, but for everyday problems. It took me awhile, but I was able to give up my fear and stress. It really took effort, but I felt SO relieved and wonderful once I gave the negative emotions to the Lord.

That being said, I'm stressed again now. Guess I need to keep working on it. But, that's okay. I'm mortal, and I'm learning. And it is so wonderful that I can use the atonement all the time.

It Only Takes Two Seconds

Today something nice and unexpected happened. It was small, but it is a testimony that small things can make all the difference.

In Spanish class today, I happened to be walking across the classroom when a fairly "popular" guy said, "Hey Whitney, I like your shirt". (I use the term "popular" VERY loosely. I don't generally tend to like that word, but if suffices for now to get my point across). I knew that he knew who I was, but I didn't know that he ever noticed me or thought about me. But he today, he made the effort to take two seconds to compliment me. It didn't mean he has a crush on me, or anything more than exactly what he said. He likes my shirt. Because I derive my sense of self-worth from my relationship with the Lord and not what other people think of me, this wasn't a huge "self-image-changing" moment for me. However, it was nice to hear, and verified in my mind that people do notice me- that people beyond my immediate realm of friends and acquaintances recognize me and accept me. He probably doesn't even remember this occurrence, but I do.

Later in the school day, my orchestra teacher was telling us about the significant impact that seemingly-small actions can have. He said, "In two seconds you can either make someone's day by saying "hi" to them in the hallway, or you can be a jerk and ignore them." I immediately thought back to my experience earlier this morning in Spanish class, and how that experience I'd had really testified of the truthfulness of my teacher's words.

So, what can I take from this? Two seconds, five seconds, or five minutes really do make ALL the difference. If I had been having a terrible day and felt really badly about myself, how much more would that compliment have meant to me? But people all around us feel like that! And we can make the difference. I am going to make it a point in my life to cheer up and lift up as many people as I can. It only takes a few seconds, but the result lasts so much longer than that. By strengthening our brothers and sisters like this, we are truly instruments in the Lord's hands. And as we actively search for and respond to instances where we can uplift others, we will be blessed with more opportunities to do so.

"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." -Alma 37:6

Humble Happiness

A few days ago I woke up, as they say, on the wrong side of the bed. Something about me is that I make it a point in my life to be happy as much as I can, but that morning, I just couldn't be, no matter how hard I tried. So, I told myself that I couldn't get ready for school until I was happy. I said a prayer, telling Heavenly Father that I wanted to be happy, and that I was trying to be happy. I asked Him to help me be happy. But when I completed my prayer, I still wasn't happy. Frustrated, I immediately began praying again. This time I said, "I can't do this on my own. I really need thy help to be happy today.". All of a sudden, it was as if the negativity inside of me was swept away. It just kind of dissipated. Throughout the course of the day, several things went wrong, because of which, a couple people told me it just wasn't my day, but I was still genuinely happy nonetheless. This is because my happiness came not from my circumstances and surroundings, but from God, and my relationship with Him.

This experience reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures (which happens to be a Book of Mormon scripture mastery!), Ether 12:27-

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." 

Usually I think of this in term of "big weaknesses", habitual ones that take lots of time to correct. However, that day I realized that it can apply to "small weaknesses" as well. Because I went to the Lord in prayer and recognized that I couldn't be happy by myself that day, and that I could only do it through Him, He made that weak thing become strong for me that day.

I am going to try to apply this more often in my life. For example, you may recall that my favorite phrase is, "I can do hard things!". I am now amending it to say, "I can do hard things with God!". What can you do in your life through humility? It really is a power. 

*(By the way, finding "if/then" phrases in the scriptures is really cool. You'll see that I highlighted the scripture above in that way. These are conditional promises the Lord gives us. It's pretty cool to find them! I always mark them in my scriptures when I come across them! And they don't ALWAYS have the words if/then explicitly written, but the promises are still there.)