I Can't Expect Perfection

I am a perfectionist to the extreme. Well, almost. I'm getting better about it. But I still get really upset sometimes when I mess up. It's a natural reaction. For example, this morning I overslept and missed seminary. At first I was really mad at myself. "Come on, Whitney! This is the third or fourth time this has happened this semester! What gives? You're better than this! Step it up! What will people think about you? What do you think about you?" Obviously, these are not productive thoughts. Actually, thoughts like these come from the adversary, who wants us to make us discouraged and miserable. When I realized how hard I was being on myself, I began thinking in a different manner. "This was just a silly mistake. It's alright. It's not fair to expect perfection from yourself because mortality makes it impossible for you to be perfect. You're doing the best you can and that is enough." Once I changed my thought patterns like this, my whole morning changed. I was happy and able to forgive and love myself.

I have been catching myself doing this quite often, lately. I'll make a mistake and begin to berate myself for it, then realize what I'm doing and be kind. It has been so eye-opening to me. It is liberating. When I make mistakes, whether it's in Spanish class or Orchestra, where it feels like everyone expects me to be perfect, or just in daily living, I can forgive myself because my Savior forgives me. If I am good enough for Him, I must be good enough for me. Choosing not to dwell on past mistakes and mishaps is changing my outlook and changing my life. It is wonderful. I'm so grateful for my Redeemer and the atonement He made which makes this possible. I know that all things are possible through Him, and through our Father in Heaven.

Humble Happiness

A few days ago I woke up, as they say, on the wrong side of the bed. Something about me is that I make it a point in my life to be happy as much as I can, but that morning, I just couldn't be, no matter how hard I tried. So, I told myself that I couldn't get ready for school until I was happy. I said a prayer, telling Heavenly Father that I wanted to be happy, and that I was trying to be happy. I asked Him to help me be happy. But when I completed my prayer, I still wasn't happy. Frustrated, I immediately began praying again. This time I said, "I can't do this on my own. I really need thy help to be happy today.". All of a sudden, it was as if the negativity inside of me was swept away. It just kind of dissipated. Throughout the course of the day, several things went wrong, because of which, a couple people told me it just wasn't my day, but I was still genuinely happy nonetheless. This is because my happiness came not from my circumstances and surroundings, but from God, and my relationship with Him.

This experience reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures (which happens to be a Book of Mormon scripture mastery!), Ether 12:27-

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." 

Usually I think of this in term of "big weaknesses", habitual ones that take lots of time to correct. However, that day I realized that it can apply to "small weaknesses" as well. Because I went to the Lord in prayer and recognized that I couldn't be happy by myself that day, and that I could only do it through Him, He made that weak thing become strong for me that day.

I am going to try to apply this more often in my life. For example, you may recall that my favorite phrase is, "I can do hard things!". I am now amending it to say, "I can do hard things with God!". What can you do in your life through humility? It really is a power. 

*(By the way, finding "if/then" phrases in the scriptures is really cool. You'll see that I highlighted the scripture above in that way. These are conditional promises the Lord gives us. It's pretty cool to find them! I always mark them in my scriptures when I come across them! And they don't ALWAYS have the words if/then explicitly written, but the promises are still there.)  

 

Small and Simple Example- Great Impact

Lately I've been just a little discouraged because I have felt like I'm not being the example I can be. Especially these past two weeks. I haven't been doing anything wrong to be a bad example, and I've been doing lots of good things, but I just felt a little un-brilliant and uninspiring. I had to keep telling myself, though, that all the little things we do add up. The little choices which make up who we are are noticed by those around us. I reminded myself of the scripture, "...behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass..." (Alma 37:6)

Then, I decided to try to notice the little things I did everyday to help others, be righteous, and set a good example in general. Some of these things included:

• Being patient and loving to those who might annoy me
• Setting and working toward personal goals
• Being optimistic about trials and helping others be optimistic about theirs
• Paying attention and loving to learn in church meetings
• Giving advice to those who come to me with problems
• Being polite and kind to everyone
• Dressing modestly, using good language, keeping the dating standards, keeping the sabbath day holy

These are all small things which I don't ever think twice about over the course of my day, but I realized that their combined effect is really powerful. I bet you all do these things, too! People do notice that we are different, and they think it's awesome! They are drawn to our lights! We just don't always realize it because we can't read minds.

However, there are those awesome occasions when those affected by our awesome examples tell us about it. It's so cool when that happens! That happened to me on Sunday.

An eleven year old girl in our ward came up to me after church and told me that she had noticed me taking notes in Sacrament meeting for several weeks. She decided that she wanted to take notes, too. I was told that her mom bought her a special notebook for it, and that she was going to hang up her notes on her locker. I was so touched and humbled by her acknowledgement of how my actions affected her. Taking notes is a simple thing I do for myself, but because I wanted to bless my own life, it blessed her's too!

So really, we're not the only ones affected by keeping the commandments and our awesome acts of righteousness. Those around us are watching, and the things we do have a ripple effect. Don't be discouraged if no one comes up to you and tells you that you're inspiring them! Just because no one tells you doesn't mean it's not happening! So what will you do with your good example? Who will your ripple touch? You may never know in this life, but just think about all the people you could be inspiring! It's exciting, isn't it?
 

Don't Pass It On

One of the downsides high school is that it's full of drama. Ewwww. Drama. Everyone has to deal with at least a little bit of it in high school, whether it's their fault, or not. Some are good at evading it, but others seem to gravitate towards it. What's the deal?

Even though the school year is young, there is already a lot of drama happening in my circles- things which don't directly have to deal with me, yet affect me. Much more than I ever noticed last year, or the year before. But the thing which bothers me the most, and what really makes high school drama dramatic, is the gossip which accompanies it. Even some of my church friends gossip. It's really not cool. Even if the things you say about someone are true, if it's someone's personal matters, or unkind, it's still gossip.

The For Strength of Youth says, "Speak kindly and positively about others. Choose not to insult others or put them down, even in joking. Avoid gossip of any kind, and avoid speaking in anger. When you are tempted to say harsh or hurtful things, leave them unsaid." 

Talking badly about others does not make you cooler. It just creates enemies for yourself in the end. Jesus commanded us to love all men. How is that possible if one isn't on speaking terms with another because of something which had been said?

I can truthfully say that there is no one in this world that I dislike. I hate no one. It is a wonderful blessing. This is because I make it a priority to only say kind things to and about others. I promise it's possible. :)

This is what inspired me to make a personal commitment to avoid gossip. What do you think of it?

Your Call To Action!

This weekend was really challenging for me. Actually, Friday was, mostly. I had a really hard day of school. I felt really lonely. The worldliness of my school was really affecting the Spirit I was so used to feeling. Though it wasn't true, I felt like none of my friends actually loved me. I thought that if I were to disappear that no one would care.
Ewww. What a day.
During the course of that day, I prayed a lot. I mean, tons. You know how the scriptures talk about pouring out your heart to Heavenly Father? Well, I really poured out my heart to Him on Friday, more than I had in a long time. Afterwards I did feel a bit better, but the comfort I yearned for came gradually. I was expecting a huge wave of relief to wash over me while I cried out to God whilst kneeling on my bed, but it didn't happen that way. The comfort for which I longed came a little at a time over the weekend, mostly in ways I didn't expect.
First, my dad came to talk to me on Friday night. We talked, and I was able to vent about my problems and emotions to him. Then, my family watched a movie together, and I was at peace spending time with them. On Saturday, our ward went to the temple, which was a tremendous boost. Absolutely substantial! But on Sunday, doubts began to creep back into my mind, veeeery slowly. However, after church, out of the blue, one of the young women in my ward handed me a page-long note she'd written to me. She told me that she had felt inspired to write it for me, and that she hoped the words she wrote were the ones I needed to hear. It was beautiful. This young woman had, indeed, written exactly what I needed to read.
Then, last night and this afternoon, a really great young man from my stake was texting me. He simply told me that he thinks I am beautiful and told me that other young men in the stake think so as well, but that they're too shy to tell me. I hadn't asked him for compliments, nor was he trying to flirt with me. He was just being honest, but his words made a huge impact on me!  
Young men and young women alike- take note! Your words and actions have a TREMENDOUS effect on those around you! It's hard to understand what a wonderful ripple effect one can have on one another until you have been on the receiving end of such kind actions. It's truly beautiful. And the best part is, anyone can be that one- the one who makes a difference in someone's day, week, or life. You can. You really can! I challenge you to make a goal each day to do something, even something simple, to brighten someone's life. If each of us does one more good deed each day, what could we accomplish? How many lives would be blessed?
This is your call to action! What will you do with it?

The Deal With Dating After Sixteen

I have news! I have finally come to a wonderful decision! For a while now I've been slightly wavering on a topic we all know lots about: dating. It is common knowledge that we shouldn't date until we're sixteen, and that once we're sixteen we should only go on group dates. But after that, the standards are a bit ambiguous. Many youth date steadily, and it's perfectly accepted by society. But there are always the few in church who advise us not to have serious relationships in high school at all. And that is where I wavered.
That point in time is still in my future, and I've been thinking about it a lot for a long time. But several things have happened in the past week to help me make up my mind.
I went to EFY. We had a class about preparing for our missions, and in it the teacher told us just how difficult it is to prepare for a mission if one has broken the law of chastity, or even very physically intimate without going all the way. I knew at that moment that I didn't even want to put myself in a situation where it would be remotely easy for such an occurrence to happen.
A return missionary spoke in our ward yesterday and talked about how the purpose of dating and being in relationships is to prepare for marriage. That's the only reason! So what's the point in high school? I'm not getting married in high school, nor do I want to get married immediately out of high school! I'm still a kid!
And, the occurrence which helped me make up my mind the most: I had a long phone conversation with my friend last night. He's not a member. But he was having some girl problems and called for advice and comfort. In our conversation, I ended up sort of bearing my testimony to him of our dating standards. I told him that the problems he was facing was one of the reasons why my church advises us not to date until age sixteen. I also told him about the purpose of serious relationships. I am very emotional, and feel things very deeply, including romantic feelings. He knows this. I told him that being in a relationship would easily put in me in situations where I would be overwhelmed with feelings, and they'd distract me from all else. I'd justify skipping my practicing viola for hanging out with my boyfriend, which will NOT propel me in the direction I want for my future and career. After telling him all of this he said, "If you can make it through high school without dating someone, I will respect you more than I respect any person in this whole world. I already respect you a lot, but this will put you through the roof. I wish I never dated these past years of high school, and I think I'm going to try that this year." Him saying that to me helped me realize how much of an influence I can be when I testify of my standards.
So after these three things happened, I made a decision. I will not date steadily in high school. It's just not worth it. I won't be as close to my Heavenly Father, and doing so will get in the way of everything. It's the principle of Good, Better, Best. Waiting til age sixteen to date is good. Going on group dates for a while before being in a relationship in high school is better. But waiting to have serious relationships until after high school is best. I want the best. I know it will bless me. I know that my life will be that much better because of this choice I am making. I know I will have more success in my pursuits. Dating in college as a young adult will be so much better.  And future generations will be blessed because of my righteous example.

"It's the principle of Good, Better, Best."

The Power of a Righteous Friend

Friends are awesome. I am blessed to have the best friends in the whole entire universe. (Though I'm sure all of you are pretty fantastic, yourselves.) My friends stick up for me, help me when I'm down, make me feel loved, and I always have a great time with them.
A few weeks ago I had an experience which really helped me realize the value of true, righteous friends. I was getting ready to go to a long rehearsal where there would be tons of people, it'd be really hot, and we were going to do a lot of standing around, waiting. I'd never truly been tempted to dress immodestly before, but all of a sudden I really wanted to wear a pair of immodest shorts. They were comfy, cool, and would just be so easy to wear. I began rationalizing all the reasons why I should wear them, but deep down I knew it was wrong.  Then, at thought came to me. Trevor* is going to be there tonight. I don't want to dress that way in front of Trevor. He would be so disappointed, and uncomfortable. Trevor, is one of my best friends in the world and one of the coolest young men I know. He is the standard of righteous living. Always going above what is asked of him, Trevor is one of everyone's favorite people- member and nonmember alike. With that in mind, I put on some modest shorts and went my way.
It was so amazing to me that Trevor was so righteous that he could influence me for good without even being with me at that moment. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. He is an amazing friend.
So my question is: Do you have friends like Trevor? Do your friends influence you for good? Of course not everyone you surround yourself with will be like him. You will have acquaintances and other friends who are in different places of their spiritual development.  Are you, like Trevor, influencing your friends for good? If not, what can you do to change?

"True friends influence those with whom they associate to “rise a little higher [and] be a little better.” You can help one another, particularly young men, prepare for and serve honorable missions. You can help one another remain morally clean. Your righteous influence and friendship can have an eternal effect not only on the lives of your associates but also on generations to come."
-Elaine S. Dalton, 2013

 

*Name has been changed

Talents to Bless Others

I remember that a while ago I prayed and asked my Father in Heaven to allow me to be an instrument in His hands. I wanted with my whole being to help others and bring about the Lord's purposes. Immediately, I started noticing every-day opportunities to help others. These may or may not have been there before I asked, but the Lord helped me find and notice them.

I reflect on this as I wonder at how Heavenly Father utilizes the talents He has put in me to bless His children. The Lord places beautiful spiritual gifts and marvelous talents in each of us, and I feel the greatest sense of peace and achievement when I use those talents to serve my fellow men.

Some talents I've been blessed with are empathy and compassion. I've striven to further develop these qualities, and I'm amazed to see how it's blessed me.

I have a lot of close friends. They're not necessarily all "popular" or whatever, but I have a lot of friends. At an increasing rate, my friends have been coming to me when they are in emotional pain and need help. They visit me for comfort and rest from their oppression. It makes me feel so special that the Lord trusts me with a job so precious as this. He put me through specific trials in my past that help me understand where my friends are coming from and how to help them feel better.

I know that our Heavenly Father has blessed us all with very specific talents and abilities to progress His work on the earth. Even if you haven't found them yet, God created YOU to possess wonderful traits and qualities of Him. We are, after all, the spirit offspring of Heavenly Father. He gave us these gifts because He loves us.

And, of course, as superman, or spider man, or some other man said, "With great power comes great responsibility". We feel the most peace and the greatest sense of accomplishment when we use our talents to bless others. And in turn, they increase when we use them to be an instrument in Heavenly Father's hands.

So, here's the challenge I pose to you. Find your spiritual gifts and talents! Once you've found them, learn to use them! And watch as the Lord blesses you in return.

We feel the greatest sense of accomplishment when we use our talents to bless others.

 

Blessings from Promptings Part Two

Another new post! Look at me, I'm on a roll! So, I know none of you have probably been able to sleep at all because you've been anticipating my part II post. Right? Well, even if you weren't, here it is.

Because I followed the promptings to invite James to sit at our table on Monday, a similar decision wasn't too difficult to make later in the week.

As I was sitting in study hall for the first time, I looked around to see who I knew. One person. Her name was *Marie, and we only sort of knew each other. She sat behind me. I turned around and searched the room for anyone else I knew, but I couldn't find anyone. Except a girl named *Kathleen. She was very quiet, and not many people talked to her. But I didn't take much note. I went about the study hall working on homework. At the end of the period, I talked with Marie to wait until the bell. I remembered Kathleen, sitting right next to us. I knew she was watching us talk. She was bored and had no one with whom to converse. But I didn't want to talk to her. If I were to be brutally honest with myself, I'd have to admit that I probably didn't want to talk to her because I didn't want people to associate me with her. In hindsight, I see that was a completely awful attitude to have. But, I knew that I should talk to her, even if I didn't want to. So I struck up a casual conversation that probably sounded something like this:

Me: "Hey, your name is Kathleen, right?:
Kathleen: "Yeah, you're Whitney."
Me: "Yeah. Um, I think we were in the same Spanish class last year."
Kathleen: "Yep. We were."
Me: "So... um... how's the semester going?"

You get the point.
It was kind of awkward.
At least for me.

I walked out of that class feeling proud of myself that I followed the prompting to talk to her even though I didn't want to. I knew Heavenly Father was proud too.

Okay, now fast forward a few weeks. In that time, I talked to Kathleen more in study hall and I got to know her a bit better. I learned that we have some common interests. Oh, and in those weeks I was nominated "Student of the Month". And yeah, that does affect my story.

So, on a certain day last week, all the kids who were chosen as "Student of the Month" were supposed to meet in the office so that we could all go out to lunch with some of the administrators. Guess who Whitney saw when she got there? If you guessed Kathleen, you're good at guessing. If not, then I'm seriously doubting your logic and reasoning skills. :D So, I went over to her to congratulate her and we ended up sitting by each other for lunch. I learned even more about her. By this time I had decided that she was a pretty cool person. We had a lot of fun during that lunch, met some new people, and the food was delicious. Near the end of the meal, the girls at our table were discussing our different religions. When it was my turn I briefly shared about being LDS. Then, Kathleen turned to me and said, "My parents told me that if they ever got the chance to become Mormon that they would. I always tell them that our whole family should become Mormon." Woah! Woah! That deserves a third woah. Woah! I couldn't believe my ears. I was SO EXCITED. I don't think you can fathom how excited I was to hear that. SO EXCITED! And even though I was dancing on the inside, I kept my composure and warmly told her that I could give her some information and talk to her more about it if she wanted. She agreed, and the next day I brought her some stuff. (You know, pass along cards and other good stuff).

Wow! Do you see how the Lord blesses us when we follow His promptings? I've seen that. People who are ready to hear the gospel have been placed in my path, and I wouldn't have even known it had I not heeded the promptings that the Holy Ghost gave me. I feel so incredibly blessed to have this opportunity!!! I know that the Lord blesses us when we heed the promptings we are given. When we do so, we are given more inspiration and responsibility. It's so cool.

Thus ends my two-part post about the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Keep checking back, though. I have a ton of posts in mind.

To Date... or Not To Date...

Hey everyone! As I was pondering as to what I should post about today, it occurred to me that I have a strong testimony about the Lord's standards on teenage dating, and that I wanted to share that with you so that if you haven't already made a firm decision about your future or present, you can now.

Recently, I was able to realize just how much I agree with and am blessed by the standards which the Lord sets about dating. I'm sure you've all heard the rules: Don't date before age 16, start with double dates and group dates, be very cautious about being in a relationship, etc. Many teenagers feel like these are restrictions. Others are dismayed by these guidelines, and as much as they want to be able to follow them willingly without any second thoughts, have a hard time doing so. Well, I'm going to share with you how you can follow these standards and actually enjoy doing so!

Here's why I am so glad and blessed to have the church's standards about dating:

• Teenage years are emotional.  Personally, I have so much to be emotional about already, what with everything that goes on, and all those hormones, I really don't need or want to add any extra heartbreak, jealousy, lust, or frustration to the mix, all of which are included with dating and having relationships.
• Teens have a lot on their plates! Teenagers these days, especially LDS teens, have tons of stuff to do everyday! We have school, which in itself includes tests, studying, punctuality, homework, social expectations, and more. Then, we have extra-curricular stuff to do. Whether it be music, sports, student government, yearbook staff, or any clubs, most teens do at least one of these things, and many do even more!  Then, lots of us have jobs. Younger teens may babysit or mow lawns, and older ones may work at a frozen yogurt shop, or something. All teenagers will eventually do driver's ed. And, most teenagers, whether they're LDS, or not, have lots of things to do for church. LDS teens have church on Sunday, Mutual, Seminary, Family Home Evening, Duty to God or Personal Progress, service activites, genealogy, temple trips, and more! Also, all teenagers should have a focus somewhere in their mind of trying to get into college eventually. Obviously, we have a lot of stuff to do! The more we have to do, the more sacrifices we have to make of things we can't do. So, if you add a relationship on top of everything, you may have to sacrifice something like getting good grades, Personal Progress, focusing on college, etc. Letting these things slip by will harm you.

• Babies are great, but not so great for teens!  If you're not careful when you're dating someone, you could end up being a parent long before you ever thought you would. And, while being a parent is a great thing, it's not what teenagers need to be doing at this point in our lives. Having a baby before you're married could: hinder or permanently stop you from getting a college degree, strain relationships with friends, family, and your boyfriend/girlfriend, rush marriage which could cause marital problems in the future, cause an unstable family or financial environment for your baby/ family. The best protection is abstinence, and it's easiest to stay pure when you are not in a serious relationship.

These are only some of the reasons why I feel blessed to have the guidelines and standards which the Lord gives us. I know that when I follow these guidelines, I will be blessed. I will be able to have a good time when I am dating, I will save myself from lots of heartbreak, I will be able to enjoy having children when I'm married, rather than worrying about it when I'm not married, I will be able to have a beautiful, successful marriage, I will be able to focus on the things which I need to do now which will make my future more successful, and so many more things. But, most of all, I know that when I follow the standards which my Father in Heaven gives me, He will be pleased with me and trust me with more things.

What Guys Want Girls to Know

This is a video I found by a group called Blimey Cow. They are not Mormons, but they are Christians. I really love this video. It's so great to know that some guys still care about decency, modesty, and chivalry.  He speaks the truth! And it's also good to know that LDS people aren't the only ones who care about this stuff!

What Guys Want Girls to Know

What do you think of this video?  Comment or share! (Oh, and BTW, I've added a facebook comment feature at the bottom of my blog if you would like to comment there.) :D

The Choice is Yours: A Guide to Decision Making

Making choices is one of the hardest things we have to do. It's so difficult, and often stressful. There are so many choices, and so many ways we can use our time. And it seems like there is so much pressure put on us to choose the right decisions. We face such a variety of choices everyday. There could be so many ways to categorize the choices we have to make, but I'm going to categorize our choices into three categories:

Unimportant Decisions

Life-Altering Decisions

Momentous Decisions

Unimportant decisions are the most common. What shoes you will wear, what font you choose to type your paper in, drinking juice or water with lunch..... you get the point. These choices either impact nothing at all, or have such a small ripple that nothing happens. In most cases, these decisions don't matter.

Life-Altering Decisions are just that: life-altering.  These include the college you go to, the career you pursue, choosing chastity, gaining a testimony, going to the temple regularly, etc. These are either one-time decisions like getting married, or many long term decisions like attending the temple. Life-Altering Decisions are planned for ahead of time and are focused on when decision making is discussed.

Momentous Decisions are the choices that people don't often think about. These include how you manage your time during a given day, your attitude for the day, or how you choose to dress that day. Notice how all of these choices are daily choices. Will you choose a modest outfit today? Will you read the scriptures? Momentous Decisions are vastly important, hence the name momentous. However, they are made in a second, and only seem to affect a moment. But, the ripple effect of momentous decisions reaches much farther than anyone could ever know. For example: If you choose not to exercise today, you know it will be harder to choose to workout tomorrow. Not only will it be harder, but you may feel more sluggish that day, be in a worse mood, etc. 

Lots of people overlook momentous decisions everyday. I know I do all the time. One of the hardest things we must learn to do in this life is to balance our time and choices. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a talk in a 2007 General Conference about making decisions. He focused on "Good, Better, Best". This talk is very helpful when trying to learn how to determine what decisions to make. He says:

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

 "As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all."

-Good, Better, Best, October 2007

I know that we will be blessed in our lives when we learn how to choose wisely when making all kinds of decisions. While there is sometimes, a lot of pressure, we also have many resources to help us. But most of all, I know that Heavenly Father will guide us when we make choices. And I know that no matter what we choose, He loves us.