The Deal With Dating After Sixteen

I have news! I have finally come to a wonderful decision! For a while now I've been slightly wavering on a topic we all know lots about: dating. It is common knowledge that we shouldn't date until we're sixteen, and that once we're sixteen we should only go on group dates. But after that, the standards are a bit ambiguous. Many youth date steadily, and it's perfectly accepted by society. But there are always the few in church who advise us not to have serious relationships in high school at all. And that is where I wavered.
That point in time is still in my future, and I've been thinking about it a lot for a long time. But several things have happened in the past week to help me make up my mind.
I went to EFY. We had a class about preparing for our missions, and in it the teacher told us just how difficult it is to prepare for a mission if one has broken the law of chastity, or even very physically intimate without going all the way. I knew at that moment that I didn't even want to put myself in a situation where it would be remotely easy for such an occurrence to happen.
A return missionary spoke in our ward yesterday and talked about how the purpose of dating and being in relationships is to prepare for marriage. That's the only reason! So what's the point in high school? I'm not getting married in high school, nor do I want to get married immediately out of high school! I'm still a kid!
And, the occurrence which helped me make up my mind the most: I had a long phone conversation with my friend last night. He's not a member. But he was having some girl problems and called for advice and comfort. In our conversation, I ended up sort of bearing my testimony to him of our dating standards. I told him that the problems he was facing was one of the reasons why my church advises us not to date until age sixteen. I also told him about the purpose of serious relationships. I am very emotional, and feel things very deeply, including romantic feelings. He knows this. I told him that being in a relationship would easily put in me in situations where I would be overwhelmed with feelings, and they'd distract me from all else. I'd justify skipping my practicing viola for hanging out with my boyfriend, which will NOT propel me in the direction I want for my future and career. After telling him all of this he said, "If you can make it through high school without dating someone, I will respect you more than I respect any person in this whole world. I already respect you a lot, but this will put you through the roof. I wish I never dated these past years of high school, and I think I'm going to try that this year." Him saying that to me helped me realize how much of an influence I can be when I testify of my standards.
So after these three things happened, I made a decision. I will not date steadily in high school. It's just not worth it. I won't be as close to my Heavenly Father, and doing so will get in the way of everything. It's the principle of Good, Better, Best. Waiting til age sixteen to date is good. Going on group dates for a while before being in a relationship in high school is better. But waiting to have serious relationships until after high school is best. I want the best. I know it will bless me. I know that my life will be that much better because of this choice I am making. I know I will have more success in my pursuits. Dating in college as a young adult will be so much better.  And future generations will be blessed because of my righteous example.

"It's the principle of Good, Better, Best."

The Power of a Righteous Friend

Friends are awesome. I am blessed to have the best friends in the whole entire universe. (Though I'm sure all of you are pretty fantastic, yourselves.) My friends stick up for me, help me when I'm down, make me feel loved, and I always have a great time with them.
A few weeks ago I had an experience which really helped me realize the value of true, righteous friends. I was getting ready to go to a long rehearsal where there would be tons of people, it'd be really hot, and we were going to do a lot of standing around, waiting. I'd never truly been tempted to dress immodestly before, but all of a sudden I really wanted to wear a pair of immodest shorts. They were comfy, cool, and would just be so easy to wear. I began rationalizing all the reasons why I should wear them, but deep down I knew it was wrong.  Then, at thought came to me. Trevor* is going to be there tonight. I don't want to dress that way in front of Trevor. He would be so disappointed, and uncomfortable. Trevor, is one of my best friends in the world and one of the coolest young men I know. He is the standard of righteous living. Always going above what is asked of him, Trevor is one of everyone's favorite people- member and nonmember alike. With that in mind, I put on some modest shorts and went my way.
It was so amazing to me that Trevor was so righteous that he could influence me for good without even being with me at that moment. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. He is an amazing friend.
So my question is: Do you have friends like Trevor? Do your friends influence you for good? Of course not everyone you surround yourself with will be like him. You will have acquaintances and other friends who are in different places of their spiritual development.  Are you, like Trevor, influencing your friends for good? If not, what can you do to change?

"True friends influence those with whom they associate to “rise a little higher [and] be a little better.” You can help one another, particularly young men, prepare for and serve honorable missions. You can help one another remain morally clean. Your righteous influence and friendship can have an eternal effect not only on the lives of your associates but also on generations to come."
-Elaine S. Dalton, 2013

 

*Name has been changed

To Date... or Not To Date...

Hey everyone! As I was pondering as to what I should post about today, it occurred to me that I have a strong testimony about the Lord's standards on teenage dating, and that I wanted to share that with you so that if you haven't already made a firm decision about your future or present, you can now.

Recently, I was able to realize just how much I agree with and am blessed by the standards which the Lord sets about dating. I'm sure you've all heard the rules: Don't date before age 16, start with double dates and group dates, be very cautious about being in a relationship, etc. Many teenagers feel like these are restrictions. Others are dismayed by these guidelines, and as much as they want to be able to follow them willingly without any second thoughts, have a hard time doing so. Well, I'm going to share with you how you can follow these standards and actually enjoy doing so!

Here's why I am so glad and blessed to have the church's standards about dating:

• Teenage years are emotional.  Personally, I have so much to be emotional about already, what with everything that goes on, and all those hormones, I really don't need or want to add any extra heartbreak, jealousy, lust, or frustration to the mix, all of which are included with dating and having relationships.
• Teens have a lot on their plates! Teenagers these days, especially LDS teens, have tons of stuff to do everyday! We have school, which in itself includes tests, studying, punctuality, homework, social expectations, and more. Then, we have extra-curricular stuff to do. Whether it be music, sports, student government, yearbook staff, or any clubs, most teens do at least one of these things, and many do even more!  Then, lots of us have jobs. Younger teens may babysit or mow lawns, and older ones may work at a frozen yogurt shop, or something. All teenagers will eventually do driver's ed. And, most teenagers, whether they're LDS, or not, have lots of things to do for church. LDS teens have church on Sunday, Mutual, Seminary, Family Home Evening, Duty to God or Personal Progress, service activites, genealogy, temple trips, and more! Also, all teenagers should have a focus somewhere in their mind of trying to get into college eventually. Obviously, we have a lot of stuff to do! The more we have to do, the more sacrifices we have to make of things we can't do. So, if you add a relationship on top of everything, you may have to sacrifice something like getting good grades, Personal Progress, focusing on college, etc. Letting these things slip by will harm you.

• Babies are great, but not so great for teens!  If you're not careful when you're dating someone, you could end up being a parent long before you ever thought you would. And, while being a parent is a great thing, it's not what teenagers need to be doing at this point in our lives. Having a baby before you're married could: hinder or permanently stop you from getting a college degree, strain relationships with friends, family, and your boyfriend/girlfriend, rush marriage which could cause marital problems in the future, cause an unstable family or financial environment for your baby/ family. The best protection is abstinence, and it's easiest to stay pure when you are not in a serious relationship.

These are only some of the reasons why I feel blessed to have the guidelines and standards which the Lord gives us. I know that when I follow these guidelines, I will be blessed. I will be able to have a good time when I am dating, I will save myself from lots of heartbreak, I will be able to enjoy having children when I'm married, rather than worrying about it when I'm not married, I will be able to have a beautiful, successful marriage, I will be able to focus on the things which I need to do now which will make my future more successful, and so many more things. But, most of all, I know that when I follow the standards which my Father in Heaven gives me, He will be pleased with me and trust me with more things.

What Heaven Sees in You

I'm teaching the lesson in Young Womens' on Sunday. Topic is Temple Marriage. I made this video to show the girls. I hope you like it!

Music: What Heaven Sees in You; Mindy Gledhill

What Guys Want Girls to Know

This is a video I found by a group called Blimey Cow. They are not Mormons, but they are Christians. I really love this video. It's so great to know that some guys still care about decency, modesty, and chivalry.  He speaks the truth! And it's also good to know that LDS people aren't the only ones who care about this stuff!

What Guys Want Girls to Know

What do you think of this video?  Comment or share! (Oh, and BTW, I've added a facebook comment feature at the bottom of my blog if you would like to comment there.) :D