"I Can Do Hard Things"

"I can do hard things" is by far my favorite phrase. Ever. I use it all the time, whether I'm trying to accomplish some herculean task or just get through an extra rough day. I have gotten into the habit of saying it aloud whenever something is tough, therefore, the people around me now know this phrase. I didn't think very much of it until one day a few weeks ago.

I was sitting in AP Music Theory with my good friend *Jenny. I respect Jenny soooo much. She is one of the best trumpet players in the state where we live. She juggles hard classes, music, and is an awesome swimmer. In addition, she is one of the nicest, most fun people I know. It would be an understatement to say that I look up to Jenny. So there we were in AP Theory, working on some homework, or something. Jenny leaned over to me and said, "Oh Whitney, I meant to tell you this a couple days ago. Last week I had a swim meet. I was really tired and wanted to give up while competing, but then your little phrase came to my mind that 'I can do hard things!'. That totally helped me keep going, and I'm going to use that as my little mantra from now on." As you can probably imagine, her telling me that made my life. It was so special to me that something I did helped Jenny, without me even trying.

Because Jenny told me that my phrase helped her, the phrase became more significant to me, and I began to use it more. A week or two later, I was having a really rough night. I was so frustrated with my lack of musical progress because of my injuries. So I turned to Jenny. Half an hour after I sent her a super long facebook message, she sent one back. That message contained the exact words I needed to hear. She encouraged me so much. And at the very end she said, "Oh, and Whitney, you can totally do hard things!".

You, too, can do hard things; this phrase does not only apply to Jenny and I! Perhaps you, or someone you know are going through an extra tricky challenge. Maybe you are working on some really intense New Year's Resolutions. And even still, you may just need a little burst of encouragement on those extra rough days. Let me tell you, "You can do hard things". This is because we are children of God. We cannot do hard things by ourselves. Of course we make the choice to persevere and hold fast until the end, but it is through God's power and because of His love that we can accomplish great things.

What can you accomplish with this knowledge? How can you grow and progress? Test the limits. Find out!

Doubt Not. God Makes Priceless People.

It has been about two weeks since I posted last, which frankly, is unacceptable. So, I apologize! Life has been so hectic around here! It's fall break. Need I say more. :D

I would say that I am a very confident person. I'm definitely not perfect in that regard, but I do well. I know that I'm a daughter of God. I let that knowledge govern how I feel about myself. And I let it create confidence within me. But no person is perfect. Doubts creep into even the sturdiest soul on occasion.

Like a few nights ago. It was bad. It started out with me talking to one of my best friends. There's this really popular, good-looking guy in our school who really likes her, and she like him as well. I'm happy for them, but it just so happens that I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade. I'm not jealous, or anything, but I began reflecting on it. I wondered, "Why don't attractive, popular, older guys ever like me?" "Why do really popular people seem to not like talking to me ever?" "I'm a really cool person, what's wrong with this picture?" "I must not be beautiful enough." "I'm probably super boring." These negative thoughts seemingly came from nowhere, but each one came faster and with more force than the one before. Soon, I was sobbing. Deep down I knew that none of it was true, but I couldn't dispel the sudden self-doubt I was feeling on the surface. I knew I'm a daughter of God, and I knew that I'm beautiful. But I was so tossed about in the tempest of my negative thoughts that I felt like I could not securely grip and cling to those truths to keep me afloat. I prayed. And I cried. Prayed. Cried. Simultaneously. I read the Book of Mormon. And cried and prayed some more. I really felt like I needed to talk to someone, but I didn't know who. After a while, though, I decided to talk to my friend, Allison (name changed). She's one of my closest friends. We're in the same ward and go to the same school. Allison has a beautiful testimony of the gospel, and she is so good at applying it to her life. I knew that she would have comfort and insight for me.

I was not disappointed. After texting her to tell her how I felt she wrote me the longest text I've ever received. Here's a little bit of what she said. This stuff is golden, kids. It really is.

"Envy, which is often mistaken as jealousy, is a cruel trick on our minds. Do we actually care about worldly popularity? No. And you recognize that. Yet your mind has this control over you that makes you think that you care. This is all Satan [trying to mess you up]."

"No matter how you feel at the moment, there is Christ. Imagine how he felt! He was awesome! Seriously the coolest person ever! I mean, He was king of all nations, yet most of everyone hated Him. He knows what it's like to be left out and to see others prefer fakes over Him. Find comfort in the atonement."

"Society is fake and we all compare ourselves to something that isn't real. We admire what isn't there. We search for something that is lost. Comparison is the thief of joy. Never compare. You are better than this."

I love Allison. I immediately felt better after talking to her. I am so blessed to have her, and other friend like her, in my life. This isn't the first time that Allison has really helped me feel confident in myself when I've needed it. She has always been there for me, and always will be there for me. I'm so grateful to have her as a friend. And I'm so very, very grateful, more than I can fathom the words to describe, for my Father in Heaven. He is my Father. He created my soul. I am His creation. Next time you're down on yourself think about this- Would God create something ugly, bad, or inferior? The answer is an emphatic NO! Each of us is priceless. The greatest sacrifice in the history of mankind and beyond was made for each of us individually- the atonement of God's perfect Son, and our brother, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for their love and the relationship I have with them.

This is kind of a lame-quality photo, but this is a painting I did of me hugging my Savior. It was my 10-hour Personal Progress project for Faith. This really embodies the relationship I have with Christ. He always comforts me, and I'm grateful beyond words for Him and His sacrifice and love for me. In the painting, Christ is supporting me. He does this for me very literally.

Changing My Life

Bit by bit, recently, I've been realizing that God has a different plan for my life than I have for my life. At age ten, I knew exactly how I wanted the rest of my life to be. I had it down to a tee. In the years since then, I've moved bits and pieces of the elements of my plan around, but it has essentially stayed the same.

Over the past little while though, everything I knew to be in my future has been knocked over like bowling pins. My most cherished talent was ripped from my grasp before my very eyes, and thrown in the air- only to fall and shatter at my feet. Music. After visiting a new doctor I learned that it would be nearly impossible for me to put in the hours of practice I would need on my instrument to compete at a collegiate and professional level. I left that appointment not feeling too different about anything- still believing that I was an invincible musician. However, after a few days I began to realize the implications. I talked to my music teachers and coaches about my options. They didn't show much emotion and it seemed like they didn't really want to talk with me about it. Then, in orchestra class, my teacher gave a little lecture about music colleges, and it hit me that I'd never be going to my dream school. It sunk in to me that I'd never be able to compete. My predicament became real. This love I have, the goals I'd longed for all day, everyday- gone. The  days and nights spent in a beautiful place between reality and heaven, where I was myself in the music. The tears shed from the joy of music emanating from me, and tears of frustration from not playing well or not being able to play at all. The hours repeating etudes, scales, and solos. The competitions. Being part of prestigious orchestras. My quartet. All crumbling.

But through this whole process (which really has lasted years), I've grown so much closer to my Savior. Especially in these last few weeks. Over these days, I have really learned humility. After my realization, I knew I had to put my life in Heavenly Father's hands. It occurred to me that God has a plan for my life, and being the perfect being that He is, it is much better than any plan I could create for myself. I realized that what happens will happen whether I like it or not, and that I can either be upset about it, or just go with the flow. Heavenly Father loves me and will help me deal with any trials He gives me. This really taught me humility.

Once I understood all of this, I was able to let go, and trust in the Lord- mostly. However, I still had this need to know where my life was going. I wanted to know the plan. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to know what to do with my life instead of music. And it really frustrated me, because I didn't know. I was afraid because I couldn't understand my future. The beautiful future which I'd worked hard for was an empty slate, and that scared me. I was annoyed and worried because I'd given my future to the Lord, but didn't know what to do with myself.

After a while, it occurred to me that just like Heavenly Father has a plan for my life which is better than any plan I could conceive, I don't have to know or understand that plan. I only have to walk in faith. This realization humbled me further, and I was able to relax.

A few days later, my seminary teacher was talking about the same thing. He told us a story about a friend whose life plan didn't work out, and he had to trust in the Lord. My teacher related this to a staircase. He said, "It's like the Lord asks you to walk up a flight of stairs and tells you He has wonderful things in store for you at the top. But it's dark and you can't see the steps. He shines a light on the first stair and asks you to take a step even though you can't see the rest of the staircase." I loved this analogy. It's perfect, and exactly what I had been dealing with.

Since I've humbled myself and begun to have more faith and trust in Heavenly Father, I've been blessed more than I can really realize. After I gave my life to the Lord, I began to have TONS of missionary opportunities! In one week I gave away a Book of Mormon, two For Strength of Youth pamphlets, and a Personal Progress book. I made four or five new friends, to each of whom I shared the gospel in some way or another. And, I successfully invited some friends to some church activities. It was amazing, and definitely not a coincidence!

I also began to learn about my future. Little by little. Line upon line. Precept on precept. Since that time, I have been closer to the Spirit, which has entitled me to more personal revelation. I was comforted. The Holy Ghost taught me things about life, and about myself. I studied my patriarchal blessing and received comfort and knowledge. And, during conference today, I received even more guidance for my life. I've gained so much understanding. Though each bit has been small, I have been receiving so much revelation and knowledge about life, trials, God's plan for me, humility, and the Holy Ghost. I've felt and understood with much more clarity the love Christ and Heavenly Father have for me.

Truly, the Lord loveth His children. He does watch over us and love us. Our trials bring us closer to Him if we let them. There is no way I can possibly express how much love I have felt and how much I have grown through all of this. It's miraculous. It really is. I have seen so many small, personal miracles through it all. I am closer to my Father than I ever have been during my earthly life. It is so beautiful.

If you are going through trials, which we all do, please take this from me- Heavenly Father loves you. This hardship is a blessing for you, because you can emerge from it a stronger, wiser person. Think of how much joy that will bring you and your Father in Heaven. Strive to have the Spirit with you. That is key. Look for opportunities of growth. Pour out your heart to your loving Father. He wants to hear it all. Humble yourself.

And don't forget- God didn't send you to earth to fail, but to succeed marvelously. If you need a booster for your day remember this- the prophets and apostles are praying for you. As are your leaders. God sends angels, both immortal and mortal, to watch over us.

Learn to Love it

Life is hard. Very hard. Good thing we have a loving Heavenly Father always watching over us! I've felt Him especially watching over me lately.

I had a really rough time last night. You know, the ones where you cry really hard, use up way too much kleenex, and end up with a headache. Not fun. I was upset about typical teenage problems. Friends, how my peers view me, school, etc.  (The joys of being a teen, right?) I prayed about it and talked to my parents about it. Then I got a blessing of comfort from my dad. But in the back of my mind the whole time I had the feeling that I needed to read the Book of Mormon. I hadn't had my daily scripture study yet. Usually I read the scriptures on my ipod (since my scriptures are at seminary), but I don't really like to read them from my ipod because they're difficult to mark that way. I decided I really wanted to dive into the scriptures. So after my blessing, I ran and grabbed a new Book of Mormon off the shelf and a dozen colored pens and highlighters. I read three chapters, and just went to town highlighting and underlining meaningful phrases and verses, and writing in the margins. I decided that this would be my copy of the Book of Mormon for seriously marking up. The chapters I read yesterday were the most meaningful I've read in a long time. Not only did I get more out of them because I was actively studying, but Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed to read to help me feel better and led me to those chapters.
After reading those amazing chapters, and truly feeling Heavenly Father speak to me through the scriptures, I felt so much better. Love, peace, and a feeling of home surrounded me. God answered my prayers through the scriptures. The concerns and questions I had were answered in the verses I read. How wonderful it is when that happens.
And it can happen everyday when we make our scripture study active. I'm guilty of passive scripture study sometimes. Life is busy, but we can't let that get in the way of our conduit of power, for that's what the scriptures are.
Instead of viewing scripture study as long, or boring, we can learn to love it. Learn to love the Book of Mormon. Learn to love it. Begin to look forward to your scripture study. Read with clear questions to be answered in mind. Learn to love it. The scriptures, and the Book of Mormon, will bring so many blessings into our lives. The more we invest in them, the more we'll get out of them. They are our truest source of power.

Why is Life Hard?

In the past few months the question has come to my mind, "Why does the Lord make it hard for us to do the things He wants us to do?". During these months I have struggled with some injuries which make it impossible to play viola. I know that being a violist is one of my purposes in life. It will be my career and part of my future. I know that this is not only my will for me, but God's will for me. Why then, would I have injuries that make it impossible to practice? That's the only way I'll get to where I need to be! And as a matter of fact, this is the second injury I've had in the past three years which has forced me to stop playing for months at a time. Last week I found the answer to my unanswered query.
I actually knew the answer before I "understood the answer". I knew that the Lord gives us trials to increase our faith. We have hardships so that we have the added opportunity to call upon the Lord, and trust in Him and His timing. But it seemed impossible in my mind that I could progress in my musicianship without practicing. I already had a lot of faith. My predicament just didn't make sense.
At EFY we watched a video presentation where there were some apostles and prophets speaking over some clips of the bible videos (the ones that depict Christ's life). I was watching a clip of Mary, nine months pregnant, sitting on a donkey in the afternoon heat of a crowded, smelly street in Bethlehem. Being the mother of the Savior was one of her callings in life. Because of that, Heavenly Father could have made it so that she was in a comfortable, air-conditioned room with the best medical equipment around. But He didn't. He let her endure that tribulation so that she could learn of her capabilities and strength, acquire humility, and learn to further rely upon the Lord. Just like Mary, my affliction doesn't make sense. But in actuality, it does. My trials allow me to practice faith and gain humility. I am learning to put even more trust in the Lord. I have seen myself have more faith in His timing. It's truly beautiful.
I'm so grateful for the trials I have. I really am. Looking back on my past, the hardest times are the ones when I've been closest to the Lord, and they're the points in my life which I treasure the most. I'm so grateful that Father loves us enough to test us, and that He is always there during the rough and smooth patches alike.

"...nine months pregnant, sitting on a donkey in the afternoon heat of a crowded, smelly street in Bethlehem."

Strength from my Patriachal Blessing

Recently I have been struggling with some health difficulties and other struggles. In the past when trials of this propensity arrived at my door they engulfed me. I was totally taken over in despair and helplessness. I did learn and grow from them, and I used them to grow closer to my Heavenly Father, but it was a long, straining journey. This time, I have a new weapon in my belt- my patriarchal blessing. I cannot describe in words the immense comfort I have received and continue to receive from that beautiful blessing. It has given me the strength and knowledge to help me be patient through my time of affliction. Instead of being debilitated by fear and anxiety, I am able to be calm and happy, because I know that when I keep the commandments attached to the blessings I'm looking forward to in my blessing, all will be well.
It is amazing to me that the answers to the two big tribulations in my life right now are in my blessing, along with the blessings that can be mine when I do the things I'm asked to do. It's just so beautiful how it all works. Heavenly Father is so marvelous! He is perfect, and His plan is, too. Everything is really so spectacular, if you think about it!

Healer of Hearts

Living in these latter days, rubble of our telestial world surrounds us. Wickedness and iniquity abound. Men crazed by diverse lusts create widespread harm. We have seen this happen this week with the bombing in Boston. My community saw it today with the suicide of a young teenager in our town.
But, sadness and wickedness is not the end! Christ and His infinite love, mercy, and glory prevail. He always will!
Because I was disturbed by the recent events, this evening I wrote a poem. I am only an amateur poet, but I'm pleased with how it turned out. It depicts my faith that Jesus Christ can and will heal us.

Healer of Hearts

Amidst the clamor of tragedy and woe

A man sweeps up the shattered fragments

Of all the broken hearts,

Splintered by the shrapnel

Spraying from a wounded world-

A planet pierced by poison darts

Of cunning crafters.

In the safety of an empty room

With sunlight streaming in,

He lays the shards he carefully gathered,

Calmly on the ground.

Appraising every piece,

Understanding what's been done,

One by one he gingerly

Lifts each fragment-

His fingers caressing

The jagged edges of the broken hearts.

Then, holding one beloved piece

He scans the room until

His eyes rest upon

A scrap which it completes.

Bit by bit he pieces

The splinters of the hearts

Piece by piece persisting

To heal the shattered shards.

Then One day when he searched the room

To find another broken part ,

There were none, and so he knew

He'd mended all his cherished hearts.

Chicken Soup, Hospitals, and Mother

There is something so comforting about chicken noodle soup. Even more so when it's homemade and the best soup you have ever tasted. And, it's even a step better if it was made with love. Does this sound cheesy? Perhaps. But it comes from the bottom of my heart right now.
Yesterday morning my mom came in and woke me up for church. Except instead of gently waking me and then arousing my sister, she urgently told me to get my sister ready for church that morning because she wasn't feeling well. After our shower and we were dressed, I heard my mom on the phone with a nurse. When they hung up, my mom told me that my dad was coming home from his before-church meetings to take care of her. As I finished getting my sister and I ready, my dad ran upstairs to my mother's bedside. He picked up the phone and called an ambulance. My mother instructed me to make up a hospital bag for her. The paramedics arrived, and my parents left.
My brother, sister, and I were picked up for church by some friends in the ward. During the sacrament, I sat reflecting on the events of the morning. Strangely, I wasn't that worried at all. I had kept calm. And I felt that things would be okay. Then, I glanced over towards my brother as he passed the sacrament. I remembered the deer-in-headlights look in his eyes when I explained what was happening that morning. As well as I had been doing, when I imagined little brother's fear I couldn't stop the tears from coming. And then I started to wonder about my mother. What if she were to die? I hugged my toddler sister closer to me as I imagined her growing up with only me as a mother. I saw my future before my eyes, mother-less. 
But it wasn't that bad because I knew then and know now that my family has been sealed in the temple and I'll be with them forever. Even though it was sad to think about my mother passing away, I knew I wouldn't be devastated because I knew she would be in a better place and that our family would be reunited once more.
Thankfully, my parents arrived home in the middle of the afternoon. My mother's condition isn't serious and once she rests up she will be back to normal. What a blessing this is!
When our ward found out that my dear mama was in the hospital, everyone made sure that we knew they cared. They're bringing meals for us since my mom has to stay in bed. Today we had delicious home-made chicken noodle soup which I know was lovingly prepared by a sister in our ward whom I adore. It's so comforting to have such a loving ward family.
I love my family so much. This small ordeal has brought us closer together. I am so completely grateful to my Father in Heaven for providing this wonderful gospel which lets me live with them forever in eternity. I know He loves us a lot.

"Today we had delicious home-made chicken noodle soup which I know was lovingly prepared by a sister in our ward..."

Help From Both Sides of the Veil

Several days ago I had a really rough day. I'm still not really sure what triggered it or why I felt so down, but I did. Both my parents were gone, and it was only my pre-teen brother and I in the house. But, he was outside gathering sticks for a campfire. So I was left alone with my feelings.
Aaaand, my feelings felt awful. I'll spare you the details, but I was miserable. So, I texted some of my closest friends and tried to lean on them for comfort. I told them how I felt and they responded as best as they could with hopeful words to comfort me. However as much as they tried, it didn't work. I just couldn't be happy. So, I prayed. Usually that is one of the first things I do when I'm upset, but that day I think I was being stubborn. But I communed with my God and told Him how I was feeling. Then, I asked Him to please send me an angel to comfort me. I know that He does send angels in times of need, whether we see them or not, and I knew then that He would if I asked. At the conclusion of my prayer, I felt a little better. Soon, though, I began crying again and felt just the same as I had before praying.
I carried on like this for a while, until I head a knock at my door. Knowing it was my little brother, I quickly pretended I was asleep. I didn't want him to see me like that. He walked in and shook me "awake".  My brother asked me if I would gather sticks in the woods with him. But I was in no mood for any such activity. I grunted a "no", but he kept begging. Soon, he began poking and tickling me in an attempt to force me to a standing position. Somehow, I think he truly believed that poking me would totally make me want to change my mind. But I was miserable, so why should I collect sticks with him? I didn't even want to.
After a few minutes of enduring his harassment, however, a thought suddenly came to mind, "You prayed for an angel to comfort you. Here he is!" The thought startled me, but it made me laugh. This boy, this goofball who was currently driving me crazy, was only trying to show love. He really wanted to be with me. He could probably tell that something wasn't right with me, and that was his way of trying to help. A sudden surge of affection for my little brother flowed through me. I stood and agreed to accompany him. The delight on his face was priceless, and I immediately felt better.
That day proved true the words of Elder Holland when this conference he said, "...[when dealing with trials] the Lord will send help from both sides of the veil." I know this is the case.

My brother and I.

Coming Full Circle

Life is going really well for me right now. It is especially so in contrast to this time last year (See here, here, and especially here). Not everything about my life is perfect, but my life is so amazing! I've been able to see how the Lord comes full circle and delivers the blessings promised for obedience and as a result of several long-lasting hardships I've endured. Nothing is as rewarding as this.

Over the past three or four years, I've been working on a personal goal which I never achieved. This January I rededicated myself to this goal (again) and I'm finally making progress! It's a visible sort of progress that I can see all the time, and it's so incredibly rewarding to know that I'm beginning to conquer something I've been struggling with for so long!

As you can read in the links above, I've had a loooot of back problems over the past year and a half. I was in pain, I could hardly move, I couldn't play my viola, and didn't know if I ever would again (which, if you don't know, viola is my LIFE! I plan to major in it, etc.), I wore a back brace which looked terrible and was extremely uncomfortable... you get the picture. It was hard.But, a year and a half later, I have been extremely blessed! I now am in the highest orchestra in my school, and I'm first chair. Because my back is strong enough I am able to practice a lot, which helps me excel.  I also started a string quartet with some of my friends, and we now play for weddings, parties, and such. And, this year I am a member of the Honor Orchestra of America, which, if you're not a musician, is a big deal. I'm sooooo incredibly excited, and SO grateful to my Heavenly Father who has blessed me to make these things possible.

Most of my life I've battled severe chronic depression. This was especially hard to bear last winter in addition to the other trials I had. It became much worse. But slowly, I have learned how to combat the negative feelings which seem to constantly threaten to make camp in my brain. Through the Lord's help, I am able to feel peaceful, joyful, and optimistic nearly all the time. This is such a relief and beautiful blessing for which I am extremely grateful.

I feel so blessed right now. It's so wonderful to be in a season of my life filled with blessings. There are even more blessings I'm experiencing, but I can't list them all. I love my Heavenly Father, and I know He loves me.

Father Loves to Bless Us

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing completely awesomely, which, I'm sure you are!

So, I have seating auditions on Wednesday. Two days from now. And, accordingly, I've been practicing my butt off. But, I've been super nervous because I haven't felt ready. And my time for practice is slowly dwindling. As of earlier today, I did not AT ALL feel prepared. But now I do. The acquisition of that prepared feeling has a story. Because I like stories.

It starts this morning. In the morning, I planned to spend all evening practicing tonight.  And that concludes the morning portion of the story. So I went about my day. Right before orchestra, last period, I found my best friend Kallie*, and we began to walk to class. But she seemed really sad. She wouldn't talk, and I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong. I'd never seen her like that before. It was really scary for me because I didn't know how to react. All I knew was that my bestest friend ever was obviously going through deep emotional pain. It tore my heart. And I felt awful that I couldn't help because she wouldn't tell me what was going on. So, I never ended up finding out. We had orchestra, then we went home. I told her over and over that I loved her, and I texted her, and wrote on her facebook wall. I prayed that Heavenly Father would comfort her. But I was depressed. I was scared because I didn't know if, like, she got a text from her mom that her sister was in the hospital, or if her grandma died, or… I don't even know.  But I was worried sick. And depressed.

So, I got home, and I tried to practice. I hacked away at my auditions cuts and solo piece for about an hour, but it was fruitful in only the sour fruits of frustration, self-anger, more depression, worry, and back pain. I felt miserable. Nothing was working. I was so scared for auditions and about Kallie.

After dinner, I texted Kallie again, and this time she told me that she felt all better. I was OVERJOYED! Relief flooded me. I felt awesome. It astonished me just how much worry left me when I knew she was okay.

So then, I practiced again. This time I prayed that Heavenly Father would help me with my practice. I was a little skeptical because I didn't know if He would help since I ask for things so much, but I decided that if I went ahead and prayed for that blessing, and had faith that He could and would, that He would. And my Father did.

Right after my prayer, I thought, "Hey, I need to rosin my bow." So I did. Then, I knew I needed slow metronome practice. So I set it up. Then, I knew just how slowly to start practicing. My practicing was beautifully smooth and practically perfect.  I increased in ability a lot-fold. I don't know how much. Just a lot. I now feel a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot more confident for the chair test. AND I still have another day for practice. I've got this!

I'm so grateful for my Father in Heaven who loves me sooooo much. Today I learned that He loves blessing us, and doesn't get annoyed when we ask Him for things. He wants to bless me. And I love Him.

*Name has been changed

Prayer is so powerful. It's our access to fortification from heaven.

I Want to Have That Kind of Faith

So this morning I watched one of the most touching Mormon Messages I've ever seen. Which is saying something because Mormon Messages rock.

Basically, it's about a young man and his father who were in a car wreck with their whole family and they were the only survivors. They share how they are still happy because they know they can live with their family forever.

You should really watch it. Here, I'll make it easy.

Did you watch it? If you were too lazy, at least watch from 1:51 to 2:52.

I love how the first thing this young man did when he heard the news of the deaths of most of his family was to smile. He smiled because he knew that everything would be alright. He knew that his family was safe in the arms of heaven and that he'd see them again.

We are the children of Christ. He will comfort us. Go to Him and He will embrace you.

I want to have that kind of faith. If that were to happen to me, I want to have enough faith so that my first reaction could be a smile of peace and love.

I love my family. And I am so incredibly grateful beyond words for the beautiful plan of happiness that our Father in Heaven has given to us. It's a beautiful gift from Him because He loves us.

The Cure For Not-As-Good Days

Hello everybody. How are you guys doing? Have you had a good day? Most of the time, I have really good days. Probably about 98.5% of the time. I'm really good at having good days because I work very hard at being optimistic. But, I also have not-as-good days. Notice, I did not call them bad days.  I don't believe in bad days. No matter what may happen, you can at least learn from that experience. And learning is good, therefore, there are no bad days. :D Haha.
Well, today I had a not-as-good day. There were good moments, and not-as-good moments, as there are in every day, but today I had some particularly not-as-good moments. I was criticized by my friend. She was trying to help me, but I don't take criticism well, and she didn't say it in the nicest way. I've been having a hard time in one of my classes, and I was worrying about that today. I've also been struggling with some interesting and...um, unwanted emotions lately. And, I had a terrible time on the bus today. In a nutshell, my bus ride consisted of: hearing people talk about taking drugs, those same people passing around pornography, swear words whizzing past my ears every other second, and inappropriate music blaring from the bus speakers. Unfortunately, I forgot my headphones for my iPod so that I could listen to it to block out all of those things on the bus today.

I felt kind of like this today.

So, I got home, and was really upset. After pacing around the house in distress, I finally managed a sobbed-out prayer. I asked over and over, "Father, please help me. I need Thy help. Please help me." After a while of that, a thought/image/feeling came to me. It was of the Savior and I sitting, and my head was in His lap. He was stroking my hair and calming me. This answer to my prayer, which came from the Holy Ghost, helped me realize that I'm not alone, and that my Savior loves me so much. He is rooting for me, and will always be there for me.

He is at our door; we only need to let Him in, and He will help  us bear our burdens.

I'm so grateful for the power of prayer, and for the Holy Ghost. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers. I never want to do anything that will block this sacred communication I have with my Father in Heaven. I know that Jesus is my advocate and that He loves me.

The Blessings of Trials

Lately, I've been feeling the most wonderful joy inside of me, for no apparent reason at all. Well, sort of. There hasn't been any big, extraordinary event in my life lately, and I still have struggles, but my life is just so happy.
I feel so overjoyed to be alive. I know that I have a special and divine purpose here on earth. I can feel that. I am starting to see my part in life and it's so exciting.
As you may know, this past winter, spring, and summer were really tough for me. They were the hardest months I've ever known. I went through many long, drawn out trials. I prayed over and over again for solace, healing, and peace. They were months filled with pain and desperation. Now, however, I'm seeing those trials come to a close and I am experiencing a very blessed reprieve. I feel so grateful to my Heavenly Father that He gave me the strength to come out on top. I am so blessed.
Looking in retrospect, I can see just how much those painfully, seemingly excruciating trials helped me grow. I can see how much my relationship with my Savior, Father in Heaven, and the Holy Ghost have grown. I have learned to pray with all of my might to my Heavenly Father. He listens, and loves me. I've realized how magnificent and marvelous Christ's atonement is for me. And, I've come to recognize the Holy Ghost's influence more precisely in my life. These are incredible gifts that help me every day.
For example, the past seven months I have worn a back brace. When I first got it, I was devastated. It looked so awful on me, and I felt so self conscious. Sometimes I didn't even want to leave the house. Plus, it was uncomfortable. I tried and I tried to accept it. I prayed continually that Father would grant me the power to see myself as He did, instead of just seeing how I looked. It took a long time, about six months, but finally I started being able to see myself as a beautiful daughter of God. This is one of the main things I learned from wearing my brace. I realized that it truly is not what's on the outside that counts. My identity is not what color my hair is, or how shirts may look on me, that is just an earthly shell. My identity is a noble, royal, elect daughter of God, saved through the ages for such a time as this. Finally, a few weeks ago, my doctor gave me permission to stop wearing the brace. I feel so incredibly liberated and exhilarated. I didn't realize how much of a blessing it is to be able to bend over, twist my torso, and stretch my back until I had a large, ugly, green piece of plastic wrapped around my body everyday.

This is kind of what my brace looked like, except it was forest green (it had a water droplet pattern), and the straps were a little different. But, the top went to a bit under my neck, the bottom went over my hips.

Also, ever since last fall, one of my dear friends has been suffering a devastating trial. It practically destroyed this wonderful person. It was so difficult to see my friend in so much anguish, and know that they wouldn't accept the Lord's help. I've been praying for this person everyday for a year, and fasting for them every single fast Sunday. Sometimes I even fasted for my friend on non-fast Sundays. But, about a week or to ago, I put this person's name on the temple prayer roll. I'd never done that for anyone before, but I knew it couldn't hurt. Almost immediately, I saw a change in this person. My friend's habits have begun to change for the better. I've seen this person begin to draw closer to the Lord. And my relationship with this friend has increased ever so much just in this short period of time. I'm so extremely grateful that the Lord is answering my prayer and helping my amazing friend. I have developed a testimony of the temple prayer roll. I'm so incredibly thankful for it. And I'm so very glad that my friend is beginning to be healed by the Savior's atonement.
This, my dear friends, is why I am so full of joy. I am just so wonderfully glad that I have such a loving and merciful God. My testimony has truly been strengthened through my trials, and there have been many. I'm so eternally grateful that I am the daughter of my Father in Heaven. I know for sure that there are great things in store for me. I know that He has a plan and purpose for me here on this earth.
If you are struggling, upset, angry, afflicted, depressed, grieving, or are in any other way facing trials, turn to the Lord. He holds the balm for your pain. I know this to be true with every fiber of my being. The Lord loves you. I know this. You are a precious child of a King.

Christ's arms are always open. He will carry you.

No Longer Afraid

Hey guys! I'm really excited to officially open the YouTube channel for The Life of a Mormon Teen soon!  Be watching!
So, this school year, I am going to a new school. And I am really scared. I've been scared about this for a long time, but no matter how unprepared I feel, school is going to start. Next week.  So, I've been thinking about this, pondering the situation, mulling it over, playing billions of possible future scenarios in my head, and no matter what, I'm still scared. And, as I've been scared, in the back of my mind I've kept thinking "fear and faith cannot dwell together". I know I need to have faith, but at the same time I just want to wallow in my fear.
But I have made a decision. No longer will I give in to the fear that's plaguing me. Those feelings come from Satan, and I don't want him to rule my life. The adversary knows that I'm no good to the world when I live in fear, so he bombards me with it. But I am going to prove to myself and to the Lord that I am stronger than Satan. I will not be afraid, even though there are so many things for me to be afraid about. I desire to make a difference in this world, so I will.
I really like these words from Elder Neil L. Anderson:

 "Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” 

^{-Neil L. Anderson, 2008}

I will have faith in Jesus that He will help me through this transition, and throughout the rest of my schooling and life. He knows and loves me, and He will take care of me. The Lord promises us in Doctrine and Covenants 88:84:

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

-Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

I really love the Lord's promise that He will send angels to help us when we need help. I know this to be true. I have literally felt angels around me in my darkest times. I am so grateful for my wonderful Savior. And I am grateful that I don't need to fear. I love my Savior.

 

You Can Be Better

I've been going through a lot of hard times lately. I've had health issues, lots of health issues, and everything that accompanies them. Through these trials, I've been struggling to identify why I was in the pain I was in, and why I felt the way I did, physically and emotionally.  I knew trials and hardships are in life to "polish us", but I felt like I was a bad person because I had trials. As if, I wasn't good enough because I had to be polished.

Then in General Conference, as I was pondering these things, the words came into my mind:

"You are always good enough for me, but these trials are an opportunity I'm giving you to become better."

Then, I began see the trials I'm facing as a gift, a privilege, and an honor. These trials are hard, but that means that Heavenly Father trusts me with difficult tasks. He loves me enough to give me opportunities to grow. 

These next months of my life are not going to be easy. Before, I would have faced the future with fear. But now, I can take bold leaps into the face of tomorrow because I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that He knows I can accomplish these tasks He has placed before me. By viewing my trials as privileges instead of pain, I can have courage to beat them and learn something from them. I will not let Satan get the best of me by using self-pity and self-doubt. I can be, and will be stronger than these trials that shroud my current life.

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I ^awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no ^bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall ^cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

-1 Nephi 3:17

The Outward Appearance

We've all heard the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." But we're all guilty of doing that sometimes, well at least if you're like me. I'm nowhere near perfect at that. But, I try not to, of course.

This video really made me think twice about judging people by how they look. Appearance isn't everything.A lot of times our appearance reflects hardships we've faced or are currently facing. For me, that would be my back brace, amidst others. I know I wouldn't want anyone to think badly of me just because I have a brace. Or because the can't see the actual brace (It's under my clothes.) think that I look funny. Other people have scars from traumatic accidents, surgeries, illnesses, etc. But that doesn't reflect the person inside.

Here is a video of just that. The judges and everyone in the audience judged this boy before he had even said anything, unfortunately myself included.  But then, we were all in for a big surprise.

(If you have trouble viewing it from here, click right here.)

There is more to every person than you can see just by looking at them. Everyone has a story. Everyone is fighting a hard battle, but you can't see that from the outside. And everyone has inner beauty and awesomeness! But most importantly, God can see the strength and royalty in everyone. He doesn't judge people based on the way they look. 

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord ^aseeth not as ^bman seeth; for man looketh on the outward ^cappearance, but the ^dLord looketh on the ^eheart."

 

Everyone has inner awesomeness. And I've decided today that I'm going to strive harder to find it in everyone.

The Choice is Yours: A Guide to Decision Making

Making choices is one of the hardest things we have to do. It's so difficult, and often stressful. There are so many choices, and so many ways we can use our time. And it seems like there is so much pressure put on us to choose the right decisions. We face such a variety of choices everyday. There could be so many ways to categorize the choices we have to make, but I'm going to categorize our choices into three categories:

Unimportant Decisions

Life-Altering Decisions

Momentous Decisions

Unimportant decisions are the most common. What shoes you will wear, what font you choose to type your paper in, drinking juice or water with lunch..... you get the point. These choices either impact nothing at all, or have such a small ripple that nothing happens. In most cases, these decisions don't matter.

Life-Altering Decisions are just that: life-altering.  These include the college you go to, the career you pursue, choosing chastity, gaining a testimony, going to the temple regularly, etc. These are either one-time decisions like getting married, or many long term decisions like attending the temple. Life-Altering Decisions are planned for ahead of time and are focused on when decision making is discussed.

Momentous Decisions are the choices that people don't often think about. These include how you manage your time during a given day, your attitude for the day, or how you choose to dress that day. Notice how all of these choices are daily choices. Will you choose a modest outfit today? Will you read the scriptures? Momentous Decisions are vastly important, hence the name momentous. However, they are made in a second, and only seem to affect a moment. But, the ripple effect of momentous decisions reaches much farther than anyone could ever know. For example: If you choose not to exercise today, you know it will be harder to choose to workout tomorrow. Not only will it be harder, but you may feel more sluggish that day, be in a worse mood, etc. 

Lots of people overlook momentous decisions everyday. I know I do all the time. One of the hardest things we must learn to do in this life is to balance our time and choices. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a talk in a 2007 General Conference about making decisions. He focused on "Good, Better, Best". This talk is very helpful when trying to learn how to determine what decisions to make. He says:

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

 "As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all."

-Good, Better, Best, October 2007

I know that we will be blessed in our lives when we learn how to choose wisely when making all kinds of decisions. While there is sometimes, a lot of pressure, we also have many resources to help us. But most of all, I know that Heavenly Father will guide us when we make choices. And I know that no matter what we choose, He loves us.

He'll Raise You Up

Lately I've been having some really hard times. I've had an injury for the past six months that has been hindering my progress in orchestra. It's been quite awful, actually. I've been in so much pain. I've been to different doctors, but I have an appointment tomorrow that should diagnose my problem.
The last three weeks, I've had a cold/bronchitis thing. We're not really sure what it is. I haven't been able to sleep well, and I've just felt horrible.
Due to lack of sleep, expectations, make-up work from being sick from school, etc., I've been kind of depressed lately. But, I just had this thought keep coming back to my mind, "I should ask for a blessing about my shoulder before the appointment tomorrow." Every time I would blow it off, It would return. Finally, I realized that this thought was a prompting that I needed to get a blessing. So, I asked my dad, and he called the home teacher, who agreed to come over.
Meanwhile, I'm just becoming more and more emotional from a billion different factors, mainly from lack of sleep. I just felt so horrible, and i was just afraid. I sheepishly admit that I wanted to have dad call the home teacher and ask him not to come because I was afraid I would start crying in front of him after/during the blessing. But, I knew I would look more foolish by canceling.
So, our home teacher came over, and I received a priesthood blessing. And I am so glad I did. The words of my blessing were the perfect words to help me feel God's love for me as I'm struggling right now. And I was promised that I would be able to play viola again. What a promise that is. I'm so grateful that I will be able to play again.
I'm so grateful for the priesthood. It has blessed my life in more ways than I could probably ever imagine. I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father who loves me more than I could ever know, and whose light is visible, even when darkness is closing in on me.

This reminds me of one of my favorite songs, You Raise Me Up (Josh Groban). This song is so inspirational to me because it tells of how Jesus strengthens us when we are weak, and how He catches us when we are falling.

 

To learn more about the Priesthood, click here.

To learn more about God's love, click here.