Doubt Not. God Makes Priceless People.

It has been about two weeks since I posted last, which frankly, is unacceptable. So, I apologize! Life has been so hectic around here! It's fall break. Need I say more. :D

I would say that I am a very confident person. I'm definitely not perfect in that regard, but I do well. I know that I'm a daughter of God. I let that knowledge govern how I feel about myself. And I let it create confidence within me. But no person is perfect. Doubts creep into even the sturdiest soul on occasion.

Like a few nights ago. It was bad. It started out with me talking to one of my best friends. There's this really popular, good-looking guy in our school who really likes her, and she like him as well. I'm happy for them, but it just so happens that I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade. I'm not jealous, or anything, but I began reflecting on it. I wondered, "Why don't attractive, popular, older guys ever like me?" "Why do really popular people seem to not like talking to me ever?" "I'm a really cool person, what's wrong with this picture?" "I must not be beautiful enough." "I'm probably super boring." These negative thoughts seemingly came from nowhere, but each one came faster and with more force than the one before. Soon, I was sobbing. Deep down I knew that none of it was true, but I couldn't dispel the sudden self-doubt I was feeling on the surface. I knew I'm a daughter of God, and I knew that I'm beautiful. But I was so tossed about in the tempest of my negative thoughts that I felt like I could not securely grip and cling to those truths to keep me afloat. I prayed. And I cried. Prayed. Cried. Simultaneously. I read the Book of Mormon. And cried and prayed some more. I really felt like I needed to talk to someone, but I didn't know who. After a while, though, I decided to talk to my friend, Allison (name changed). She's one of my closest friends. We're in the same ward and go to the same school. Allison has a beautiful testimony of the gospel, and she is so good at applying it to her life. I knew that she would have comfort and insight for me.

I was not disappointed. After texting her to tell her how I felt she wrote me the longest text I've ever received. Here's a little bit of what she said. This stuff is golden, kids. It really is.

"Envy, which is often mistaken as jealousy, is a cruel trick on our minds. Do we actually care about worldly popularity? No. And you recognize that. Yet your mind has this control over you that makes you think that you care. This is all Satan [trying to mess you up]."

"No matter how you feel at the moment, there is Christ. Imagine how he felt! He was awesome! Seriously the coolest person ever! I mean, He was king of all nations, yet most of everyone hated Him. He knows what it's like to be left out and to see others prefer fakes over Him. Find comfort in the atonement."

"Society is fake and we all compare ourselves to something that isn't real. We admire what isn't there. We search for something that is lost. Comparison is the thief of joy. Never compare. You are better than this."

I love Allison. I immediately felt better after talking to her. I am so blessed to have her, and other friend like her, in my life. This isn't the first time that Allison has really helped me feel confident in myself when I've needed it. She has always been there for me, and always will be there for me. I'm so grateful to have her as a friend. And I'm so very, very grateful, more than I can fathom the words to describe, for my Father in Heaven. He is my Father. He created my soul. I am His creation. Next time you're down on yourself think about this- Would God create something ugly, bad, or inferior? The answer is an emphatic NO! Each of us is priceless. The greatest sacrifice in the history of mankind and beyond was made for each of us individually- the atonement of God's perfect Son, and our brother, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for their love and the relationship I have with them.

This is kind of a lame-quality photo, but this is a painting I did of me hugging my Savior. It was my 10-hour Personal Progress project for Faith. This really embodies the relationship I have with Christ. He always comforts me, and I'm grateful beyond words for Him and His sacrifice and love for me. In the painting, Christ is supporting me. He does this for me very literally.

Changing My Life

Bit by bit, recently, I've been realizing that God has a different plan for my life than I have for my life. At age ten, I knew exactly how I wanted the rest of my life to be. I had it down to a tee. In the years since then, I've moved bits and pieces of the elements of my plan around, but it has essentially stayed the same.

Over the past little while though, everything I knew to be in my future has been knocked over like bowling pins. My most cherished talent was ripped from my grasp before my very eyes, and thrown in the air- only to fall and shatter at my feet. Music. After visiting a new doctor I learned that it would be nearly impossible for me to put in the hours of practice I would need on my instrument to compete at a collegiate and professional level. I left that appointment not feeling too different about anything- still believing that I was an invincible musician. However, after a few days I began to realize the implications. I talked to my music teachers and coaches about my options. They didn't show much emotion and it seemed like they didn't really want to talk with me about it. Then, in orchestra class, my teacher gave a little lecture about music colleges, and it hit me that I'd never be going to my dream school. It sunk in to me that I'd never be able to compete. My predicament became real. This love I have, the goals I'd longed for all day, everyday- gone. The  days and nights spent in a beautiful place between reality and heaven, where I was myself in the music. The tears shed from the joy of music emanating from me, and tears of frustration from not playing well or not being able to play at all. The hours repeating etudes, scales, and solos. The competitions. Being part of prestigious orchestras. My quartet. All crumbling.

But through this whole process (which really has lasted years), I've grown so much closer to my Savior. Especially in these last few weeks. Over these days, I have really learned humility. After my realization, I knew I had to put my life in Heavenly Father's hands. It occurred to me that God has a plan for my life, and being the perfect being that He is, it is much better than any plan I could create for myself. I realized that what happens will happen whether I like it or not, and that I can either be upset about it, or just go with the flow. Heavenly Father loves me and will help me deal with any trials He gives me. This really taught me humility.

Once I understood all of this, I was able to let go, and trust in the Lord- mostly. However, I still had this need to know where my life was going. I wanted to know the plan. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to know what to do with my life instead of music. And it really frustrated me, because I didn't know. I was afraid because I couldn't understand my future. The beautiful future which I'd worked hard for was an empty slate, and that scared me. I was annoyed and worried because I'd given my future to the Lord, but didn't know what to do with myself.

After a while, it occurred to me that just like Heavenly Father has a plan for my life which is better than any plan I could conceive, I don't have to know or understand that plan. I only have to walk in faith. This realization humbled me further, and I was able to relax.

A few days later, my seminary teacher was talking about the same thing. He told us a story about a friend whose life plan didn't work out, and he had to trust in the Lord. My teacher related this to a staircase. He said, "It's like the Lord asks you to walk up a flight of stairs and tells you He has wonderful things in store for you at the top. But it's dark and you can't see the steps. He shines a light on the first stair and asks you to take a step even though you can't see the rest of the staircase." I loved this analogy. It's perfect, and exactly what I had been dealing with.

Since I've humbled myself and begun to have more faith and trust in Heavenly Father, I've been blessed more than I can really realize. After I gave my life to the Lord, I began to have TONS of missionary opportunities! In one week I gave away a Book of Mormon, two For Strength of Youth pamphlets, and a Personal Progress book. I made four or five new friends, to each of whom I shared the gospel in some way or another. And, I successfully invited some friends to some church activities. It was amazing, and definitely not a coincidence!

I also began to learn about my future. Little by little. Line upon line. Precept on precept. Since that time, I have been closer to the Spirit, which has entitled me to more personal revelation. I was comforted. The Holy Ghost taught me things about life, and about myself. I studied my patriarchal blessing and received comfort and knowledge. And, during conference today, I received even more guidance for my life. I've gained so much understanding. Though each bit has been small, I have been receiving so much revelation and knowledge about life, trials, God's plan for me, humility, and the Holy Ghost. I've felt and understood with much more clarity the love Christ and Heavenly Father have for me.

Truly, the Lord loveth His children. He does watch over us and love us. Our trials bring us closer to Him if we let them. There is no way I can possibly express how much love I have felt and how much I have grown through all of this. It's miraculous. It really is. I have seen so many small, personal miracles through it all. I am closer to my Father than I ever have been during my earthly life. It is so beautiful.

If you are going through trials, which we all do, please take this from me- Heavenly Father loves you. This hardship is a blessing for you, because you can emerge from it a stronger, wiser person. Think of how much joy that will bring you and your Father in Heaven. Strive to have the Spirit with you. That is key. Look for opportunities of growth. Pour out your heart to your loving Father. He wants to hear it all. Humble yourself.

And don't forget- God didn't send you to earth to fail, but to succeed marvelously. If you need a booster for your day remember this- the prophets and apostles are praying for you. As are your leaders. God sends angels, both immortal and mortal, to watch over us.

No Longer Afraid

Hey guys! I'm really excited to officially open the YouTube channel for The Life of a Mormon Teen soon!  Be watching!
So, this school year, I am going to a new school. And I am really scared. I've been scared about this for a long time, but no matter how unprepared I feel, school is going to start. Next week.  So, I've been thinking about this, pondering the situation, mulling it over, playing billions of possible future scenarios in my head, and no matter what, I'm still scared. And, as I've been scared, in the back of my mind I've kept thinking "fear and faith cannot dwell together". I know I need to have faith, but at the same time I just want to wallow in my fear.
But I have made a decision. No longer will I give in to the fear that's plaguing me. Those feelings come from Satan, and I don't want him to rule my life. The adversary knows that I'm no good to the world when I live in fear, so he bombards me with it. But I am going to prove to myself and to the Lord that I am stronger than Satan. I will not be afraid, even though there are so many things for me to be afraid about. I desire to make a difference in this world, so I will.
I really like these words from Elder Neil L. Anderson:

 "Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” 

^{-Neil L. Anderson, 2008}

I will have faith in Jesus that He will help me through this transition, and throughout the rest of my schooling and life. He knows and loves me, and He will take care of me. The Lord promises us in Doctrine and Covenants 88:84:

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

-Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

I really love the Lord's promise that He will send angels to help us when we need help. I know this to be true. I have literally felt angels around me in my darkest times. I am so grateful for my wonderful Savior. And I am grateful that I don't need to fear. I love my Savior.

 

The Outward Appearance

We've all heard the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." But we're all guilty of doing that sometimes, well at least if you're like me. I'm nowhere near perfect at that. But, I try not to, of course.

This video really made me think twice about judging people by how they look. Appearance isn't everything.A lot of times our appearance reflects hardships we've faced or are currently facing. For me, that would be my back brace, amidst others. I know I wouldn't want anyone to think badly of me just because I have a brace. Or because the can't see the actual brace (It's under my clothes.) think that I look funny. Other people have scars from traumatic accidents, surgeries, illnesses, etc. But that doesn't reflect the person inside.

Here is a video of just that. The judges and everyone in the audience judged this boy before he had even said anything, unfortunately myself included.  But then, we were all in for a big surprise.

(If you have trouble viewing it from here, click right here.)

There is more to every person than you can see just by looking at them. Everyone has a story. Everyone is fighting a hard battle, but you can't see that from the outside. And everyone has inner beauty and awesomeness! But most importantly, God can see the strength and royalty in everyone. He doesn't judge people based on the way they look. 

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord ^aseeth not as ^bman seeth; for man looketh on the outward ^cappearance, but the ^dLord looketh on the ^eheart."

 

Everyone has inner awesomeness. And I've decided today that I'm going to strive harder to find it in everyone.

No Ordinary Beings

We all have those times when we doubt ourselves. I have them, you have them. I love this talk by President Uchtodrf. He explains in such powerful words just how powerful and loved we are.He says (at 2:55) "You are no ordinary beings. You are glorious and eternal." How true this is. Here are excerpts from his talk, with beautiful music in the background.

Next time you look into the mirror, I challenge you to look past your hair, clothes, acne, weight, height. Know that all of these imperfections are the mark of mortality. These are not permanent! When you look into the mirror, try to see yourself how your Father in Heaven sees you; He sees the divine beauty, power, and potential you have.

Doctrine and Covenants 18:10:  "Remember the ^aworth of ^bsouls is great in the sight of God"

I know that Heavenly Father loves me. And I can feel my innate beauty and divinity when I pray, adn especially when I'm in the temple. I know that you can too.

This is such a beautiful, inspiring and empowering video. I really hope you watch it!