I Can't Expect Perfection

I am a perfectionist to the extreme. Well, almost. I'm getting better about it. But I still get really upset sometimes when I mess up. It's a natural reaction. For example, this morning I overslept and missed seminary. At first I was really mad at myself. "Come on, Whitney! This is the third or fourth time this has happened this semester! What gives? You're better than this! Step it up! What will people think about you? What do you think about you?" Obviously, these are not productive thoughts. Actually, thoughts like these come from the adversary, who wants us to make us discouraged and miserable. When I realized how hard I was being on myself, I began thinking in a different manner. "This was just a silly mistake. It's alright. It's not fair to expect perfection from yourself because mortality makes it impossible for you to be perfect. You're doing the best you can and that is enough." Once I changed my thought patterns like this, my whole morning changed. I was happy and able to forgive and love myself.

I have been catching myself doing this quite often, lately. I'll make a mistake and begin to berate myself for it, then realize what I'm doing and be kind. It has been so eye-opening to me. It is liberating. When I make mistakes, whether it's in Spanish class or Orchestra, where it feels like everyone expects me to be perfect, or just in daily living, I can forgive myself because my Savior forgives me. If I am good enough for Him, I must be good enough for me. Choosing not to dwell on past mistakes and mishaps is changing my outlook and changing my life. It is wonderful. I'm so grateful for my Redeemer and the atonement He made which makes this possible. I know that all things are possible through Him, and through our Father in Heaven.

"I Can Do Hard Things"

"I can do hard things" is by far my favorite phrase. Ever. I use it all the time, whether I'm trying to accomplish some herculean task or just get through an extra rough day. I have gotten into the habit of saying it aloud whenever something is tough, therefore, the people around me now know this phrase. I didn't think very much of it until one day a few weeks ago.

I was sitting in AP Music Theory with my good friend *Jenny. I respect Jenny soooo much. She is one of the best trumpet players in the state where we live. She juggles hard classes, music, and is an awesome swimmer. In addition, she is one of the nicest, most fun people I know. It would be an understatement to say that I look up to Jenny. So there we were in AP Theory, working on some homework, or something. Jenny leaned over to me and said, "Oh Whitney, I meant to tell you this a couple days ago. Last week I had a swim meet. I was really tired and wanted to give up while competing, but then your little phrase came to my mind that 'I can do hard things!'. That totally helped me keep going, and I'm going to use that as my little mantra from now on." As you can probably imagine, her telling me that made my life. It was so special to me that something I did helped Jenny, without me even trying.

Because Jenny told me that my phrase helped her, the phrase became more significant to me, and I began to use it more. A week or two later, I was having a really rough night. I was so frustrated with my lack of musical progress because of my injuries. So I turned to Jenny. Half an hour after I sent her a super long facebook message, she sent one back. That message contained the exact words I needed to hear. She encouraged me so much. And at the very end she said, "Oh, and Whitney, you can totally do hard things!".

You, too, can do hard things; this phrase does not only apply to Jenny and I! Perhaps you, or someone you know are going through an extra tricky challenge. Maybe you are working on some really intense New Year's Resolutions. And even still, you may just need a little burst of encouragement on those extra rough days. Let me tell you, "You can do hard things". This is because we are children of God. We cannot do hard things by ourselves. Of course we make the choice to persevere and hold fast until the end, but it is through God's power and because of His love that we can accomplish great things.

What can you accomplish with this knowledge? How can you grow and progress? Test the limits. Find out!

We Are Not Done Being Painted

Humility is something I have been working on for a long time. I think it is something that everyone strives towards during the course of their whole lives. To me, being humble means that I rely on the Lord and trust in Him rather than myself. It means that I refrain from judging others because I know that I am no better than they are and that we are all children of the same Heavenly Father traveling on this "metaphorical pathway" of life together.

Recently I've been working on not passing judgements about a few certain people in my life. I have been praying that God will help me be humble and to love them more. One night while praying about this, it occurred to me that one way I can become humble and love them more is to serve them. I'm really excited thinking about ways to do that.

Today, though, I had a really cool burst of knowledge. It was kind of like a ray from heaven shone down into my brain to illuminate my mind a little more than it had been before. I was sitting on the bus talking to my talented friend. She was bringing home a painting to work on for her painting class. It was obviously incomplete and difficult to make out the subject of the painting. However, I could tell that soon it would become a painting of an elephant. This friend of mine was mourning the fact that nobody could tell what her painting was of, and how they thought it was a bird instead of an elephant. I found myself saying, "That doesn't matter. It's not fair for them to judge it if it's not finished". That was when my epiphany happened. All of the sudden I saw that we, as human being on earth, are each a painting. We may not look like majestic "elephants" yet. Some people may not be able to see what we're trying to become or how all the pieces will come together to make us into masterpieces. But it's okay because it's not fair to judge something that isn't done. We are not "done" yet. We are still in the long process towards perfection, which goal will not happen until the Celestial Kingdom. Therefore, it doesn't even make sense to judge others because they are not done yet either.

This really helped me. I'm so grateful for this insight that the Lord granted me. I'm glad I was in tune with the Spirit so that the Lord could answer my prayers about humility in this unexpected, yet very cool way.

How to Overcome Trials

I totally had something in mind about which I wanted to post, but I felt prompted to take today's post in a different direction. First, though, I want to pose two questions to you. What do you do when you have challenges and problems? and How does Heavenly Father help you through your challenges and problems? Think about these for a minute. Ponder. Search deep within your soul. Haha.

What did you find? Some things you like? Answers you didn't like? More questions?

I am going to answer these questions for you. As I have traveled down the metaphorical road that is life, I have come across many trials, as have you, I'm sure. I want to share how I deal with them. One can never have enough tactics to fight hardships.

When I have challenges and problems, I sometimes turn to my friends first. However, this doesn't usually prove very fruitful. As much as they love us, and as helpful as they can be, our friends are mere mortals. And while I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't let our friends help us through difficulty, I am suggesting that Heavenly Father is the best person to turn to. He, in His perfection and infinite love, cannot fail us. Turning to the Lord in the face of adversity, however, requires faith. We must trust that He will answer us, and that He will provide a way for us to understand His answer. This used to be very hard for me. I knew without a doubt that God would answer my prayers, but I didn't have faith that I would be able to comprehend or recognize the answers when they came. These doubts were from Satan. He doesn't want us to be close to our Heavenly Father. He doesn't want us to have the powerful help that God can grant us. Once I realized that because God loves us and is perfect, I knew He would provide a way for me to recognize and understand the answers He gives to my prayers.

So, what does Whitney do when she faces challenges and problems? She prays. She prays and prays and prays and prays. Often these are tearful prayers, seeking relief from negativity and frustration. After she is sure her prayers were with real intent and heartfelt, Whitney reads the scriptures. Just as praying is how we talk to God, the scriptures are how He answers us. Often, I find answers to my prayers within the scriptures. This happens when I pay close attention to the words I am reading, and apply them to whatever I'm struggling with. This takes work, and practice. I'm not always super great at it, but the Lord blesses us for our effort. I have found so many answers to prayers through reading the scriptures after praying about a specific problem.

Heavenly Father helps me through my challenges and problems through the Holy Ghost. Time and time again my prayers have been answered through this member of the Godhead. The Spirit answers my prayers in many ways including: warm feelings of love, promptings, specific thoughts and conclusions coming to my head, or a literal voice in my head telling me something. Every person feels the influence of the Holy Ghost in different ways. These are just some of the ways I feel it. One must practice and develop a knowledge of how the Spirit communicates with them. No two people are exactly alike in this regard. For example, here's a time when Heavenly Father helped me through something recently:

I have a friend who I love very, very much. He is one of the people I love most. He is like an older brother to me. This friend (let's call him Leo) has been super stressed out and upset for a long time. He has more on his plate than he can handle right now. Leo is worried about college applications, AP classes, college auditions for violin, his family, his work, etc. For as long as I can remember, Leo has shared feelings with me about not being happy and feeling like he is missing something in his life. I have been trying to share the gospel with him. I have invited him to meet with the missionaries, come to church, and more. He's not against it, but hasn't shown enthusiasm for the church. Many-a-night I would cry, and pray, and cry, and pray that the Lord would soften his heart. I fasted for him numerous times. I did ALL I could to share the gospel with this person I love so dearly. I want for Leo to have the happiness I have. One night when I was particularly upset about him and was praying about it, the thought came to my mind that Leo is God's son. Heavenly Father loves Leo just as much as He loves me, and that He will take care of Leo. I felt that I should trust that the Lord will let him partake in the gospel when the time is right, and that I can't take it upon myself to be solely responsible for that. With this thought came a simple feeling of peace and my worries left me. The thoughts, assurance, and peace were from the Holy Ghost.

I know that the Lord loves us and wants us to be happy. Just as He will take care of Leo, He will take care of each of us. He wants us to come to Him with our sadness, struggles, hardships, and also our joys and triumphs. I testify that He will answer your prayers.

Create the Moment

Hello again! Recognize me? Maybe not, because I haven't posted in about a month. Oops. Sorry about that. Instead of boring you with my excuses about being busy, I'll just get to my post. :D

Sometimes we pray for missionary opportunities. That is good. No, that is great. It's golden. The Lord blesses us with opportunities to share the gospel when we pray in faith to receive them, with a plan of action to act upon those moments when they arise. But do you know what else we can do? Instead of waiting for missionary opportunities to knock at our door, we can create them! Woah! Crazy, right? As obvious as that sounds, it didn't even occur to me until several weeks ago.

The missionaries came over to our house and taught a fabulous lesson. Afterwards they asked me if I wanted a pamphlet about the restoration to give to one of my friends. I accepted, and thought that I'd put it in my backpack for when someone I met asked about the church. Then, the name of a girl at my school came into my mind. Let's call her Jenny. Jenny and I didn't talk often, but she had expressed interest in the church in the past. When her name came into my mind, I realized it was a prompting to give her the pamphlet. So I texted her to ask if I could meet her before school because I had something I wanted to give her. We met the next morning and she graciously accepted the pamphlet and agreed to come to church with me in the future. A week later she told me that she had read the pamphlet and found it very informative.

This was cool for me to realize that I could be in charge of sharing the gospel more in my life. I learned that I didn't have to wait and could be even more proactive about sharing the gospel with those around me. I encourage all of you to try to create a missionary moment this week. It doesn't have to be forced, awkward, or weird. Pray for inspiration. Just see what happens! You'll love it!

Changing My Life

Bit by bit, recently, I've been realizing that God has a different plan for my life than I have for my life. At age ten, I knew exactly how I wanted the rest of my life to be. I had it down to a tee. In the years since then, I've moved bits and pieces of the elements of my plan around, but it has essentially stayed the same.

Over the past little while though, everything I knew to be in my future has been knocked over like bowling pins. My most cherished talent was ripped from my grasp before my very eyes, and thrown in the air- only to fall and shatter at my feet. Music. After visiting a new doctor I learned that it would be nearly impossible for me to put in the hours of practice I would need on my instrument to compete at a collegiate and professional level. I left that appointment not feeling too different about anything- still believing that I was an invincible musician. However, after a few days I began to realize the implications. I talked to my music teachers and coaches about my options. They didn't show much emotion and it seemed like they didn't really want to talk with me about it. Then, in orchestra class, my teacher gave a little lecture about music colleges, and it hit me that I'd never be going to my dream school. It sunk in to me that I'd never be able to compete. My predicament became real. This love I have, the goals I'd longed for all day, everyday- gone. The  days and nights spent in a beautiful place between reality and heaven, where I was myself in the music. The tears shed from the joy of music emanating from me, and tears of frustration from not playing well or not being able to play at all. The hours repeating etudes, scales, and solos. The competitions. Being part of prestigious orchestras. My quartet. All crumbling.

But through this whole process (which really has lasted years), I've grown so much closer to my Savior. Especially in these last few weeks. Over these days, I have really learned humility. After my realization, I knew I had to put my life in Heavenly Father's hands. It occurred to me that God has a plan for my life, and being the perfect being that He is, it is much better than any plan I could create for myself. I realized that what happens will happen whether I like it or not, and that I can either be upset about it, or just go with the flow. Heavenly Father loves me and will help me deal with any trials He gives me. This really taught me humility.

Once I understood all of this, I was able to let go, and trust in the Lord- mostly. However, I still had this need to know where my life was going. I wanted to know the plan. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to know what to do with my life instead of music. And it really frustrated me, because I didn't know. I was afraid because I couldn't understand my future. The beautiful future which I'd worked hard for was an empty slate, and that scared me. I was annoyed and worried because I'd given my future to the Lord, but didn't know what to do with myself.

After a while, it occurred to me that just like Heavenly Father has a plan for my life which is better than any plan I could conceive, I don't have to know or understand that plan. I only have to walk in faith. This realization humbled me further, and I was able to relax.

A few days later, my seminary teacher was talking about the same thing. He told us a story about a friend whose life plan didn't work out, and he had to trust in the Lord. My teacher related this to a staircase. He said, "It's like the Lord asks you to walk up a flight of stairs and tells you He has wonderful things in store for you at the top. But it's dark and you can't see the steps. He shines a light on the first stair and asks you to take a step even though you can't see the rest of the staircase." I loved this analogy. It's perfect, and exactly what I had been dealing with.

Since I've humbled myself and begun to have more faith and trust in Heavenly Father, I've been blessed more than I can really realize. After I gave my life to the Lord, I began to have TONS of missionary opportunities! In one week I gave away a Book of Mormon, two For Strength of Youth pamphlets, and a Personal Progress book. I made four or five new friends, to each of whom I shared the gospel in some way or another. And, I successfully invited some friends to some church activities. It was amazing, and definitely not a coincidence!

I also began to learn about my future. Little by little. Line upon line. Precept on precept. Since that time, I have been closer to the Spirit, which has entitled me to more personal revelation. I was comforted. The Holy Ghost taught me things about life, and about myself. I studied my patriarchal blessing and received comfort and knowledge. And, during conference today, I received even more guidance for my life. I've gained so much understanding. Though each bit has been small, I have been receiving so much revelation and knowledge about life, trials, God's plan for me, humility, and the Holy Ghost. I've felt and understood with much more clarity the love Christ and Heavenly Father have for me.

Truly, the Lord loveth His children. He does watch over us and love us. Our trials bring us closer to Him if we let them. There is no way I can possibly express how much love I have felt and how much I have grown through all of this. It's miraculous. It really is. I have seen so many small, personal miracles through it all. I am closer to my Father than I ever have been during my earthly life. It is so beautiful.

If you are going through trials, which we all do, please take this from me- Heavenly Father loves you. This hardship is a blessing for you, because you can emerge from it a stronger, wiser person. Think of how much joy that will bring you and your Father in Heaven. Strive to have the Spirit with you. That is key. Look for opportunities of growth. Pour out your heart to your loving Father. He wants to hear it all. Humble yourself.

And don't forget- God didn't send you to earth to fail, but to succeed marvelously. If you need a booster for your day remember this- the prophets and apostles are praying for you. As are your leaders. God sends angels, both immortal and mortal, to watch over us.

Power of YOUth

I guess I'm pretty sheltered. But I'm okay with that. I wouldn't have to be sheltered if I didn't want to. I could do things behind my parents backs, and lots of it they might never find out. But I love my innocence.
Sometimes I see things inadvertently which cause me to realize a little more just how steep a downward slope our world is traveling. I just saw a 30-second commercial which totally flabbergasted me. It was an ad for a clothing store (I won't name names here), and it showed a guy and a girl, each in their underwear, standing in a room together with lots of clothes at their feet. They proceeded to put on and take off lots of different outfits, whilst flirting with each other. I won't go into any other details, but the advertisement made me really sad. What was even worse were all of the comments underneath the ad. There were a few people who criticized the ad, and there were myriads of grumblers criticizing those people. It was really heartbreaking to see how many people agreed with and defended the ad.

The Lord knew this time of the world would be difficult. He sent us here for that very reason. You all have heard that we were saved for this time, that we are some of the most valiant. Don't take that for granted! Heavenly Father trusts us to do His work. How special is that?

“Ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” (1 Pet. 2:9.)

We are all brothers and sisters- precious sons and daughters of God. We can acquire strength by calling down the power of heaven. It's simple, and powerful. Pray. Read your scriptures. Do the things you know are right! The Lord will bless you. I know you know this. I know you live this. Today, take it a step further. Do something you didn't think you could do. Rely upon the Lord for help. We can be instrumental in bringing forth the kingdom of God. There is so much power in us, youth. Let's exercise it.

My Brave Act

I did something pretty cool today. I'm proud of myself, because I stepped out of my comfort zone a little.

There's a girl who sits in front of me on the bus. She sits by herself and keeps to herself. She's silent. Today I decided that I would talk to her. I didn't want her to feel lonely or awkward sitting there. I asked her her name, found out she's a freshman, asked her how she's liking high school, what she likes to do, etc. This girl (let's call her Cynthia) gave short, shy answers, but we soon had a conversation going. After a while, the conversation died and we turned away from each other.

So I sat there, just thinking about the things a Whitney ponders, when I felt like she would love the Book of Mormon. I realized I had one in my backpack that I could give to her. But, I had just met her. I had no idea what her religious background was, what her parents would think, what she would think. I kept turning the idea over in my mind. I couldn't decide if this was a prompting from the Holy Ghost to give her a Book of Mormon, or if it was my crazy love of missionary work taking over my brain. I decided to pray about it and ask if I should give her the book. I searched my soul. I'm pretty sure the Holy Ghost was ever-so-gently prodding me to give it to her, but I wasn't positive. Then, I remembered something which an EFY counselor had told me, "Even if you aren't sure if something you feel is a prompting or not, if it's a good thing, act on it. Everything good comes from God". So, I grabbed the Book of Mormon from my backpack and started a conversation which went something like this:

Me: Hey, have you ever heard of a book called the Book of Mormon?

Cynthia: No. Is it cool?

Me: Yes. It's very cool. It's the coolest book in the world.

Cynthia: Oh yeah? What's it about?

Me: It's the religious text of the LDS, or Mormon, church. Mormons read this along with the Bible. They're Christians.

Cynthia: Oh. That's cool.

Me: Yeah, it is. I'm actually Mormon. (Pulling out BOM) Here's the book. I just felt like I needed to give it to you. I don't know why. I just felt like I should.

Cynthia: (Receiving book) Oh. Don't you need this?

Me: Oh, I have one!

Cynthia: Well, thank you.

Me: You're welcome. It talks about Jesus Christ, just like the Bible does.

Cynthia: Thank you.

Me: Yeah, no problem. I just felt like I needed to give it to you. Hey, here's my stop. Let's hang out sometime, okay?

Cynthia: Sure!

So that was that. I have no idea what will come of this, if anything. I hope she has questions, though. I hope she's curious about it, read it, and finds mormon.org. I hope she'll ask me her questions. But who knows? Maybe I only planted a seed. And that's okay. That's beautiful, too. Seeds grow into beautiful, useful things. One thing is for sure, though. Heavenly Father knows He can count on me more. I hope to have more opportunities like this. I feel so very blessed.

What Happens Will Happen

I have been just so happy lately. Life isn't going perfectly, for no one's life does, but I'm learning to be happy despite the trials. I think I've known how to do this to some extent for a while, but it's sinking in even more now.
I'm one who is very Type A, perfectionist. I like to always know what's going on, how things will happen, I plan far into the future, and feel the need to be in control all the time. These traits, like any traits, affect me positively and negatively. I've found that one way to learn happiness in life is to not let traits like these affect us negatively, and instead focus on the positive.
As I have been injured for the past while, it has been hard. Two years ago it was really hard on me emotionally. I was scared and frustrated because I didn't know how my injuries would affect my future as a violist. It was in this time that I began to rely on the Lord. But it has taken years.
Lately my injuries have progressed and increased. I haven't been able to find answers from doctors, or I've had to wait for what seemed would be enlightening appointments, only to be told to wait more and go to different doctors. The hardest part in all of this has been the fear and frustration from not knowing the future now. If you think about it, that's really what fear is- unrest from the lack of knowledge of the future.
We are taught in the gospel that fear and faith cannot exist in the same place, much like darkness and light cannot coexist. A few weeks ago as I received more bad news, I stepped back for a moment. I realized that I could make the decision to either be afraid, or have faith. It occurred to me that God is in control of everything. He won't give me anything I can't handle. And there's really no point in worrying because what happens will happen whether I worry about it or not. And when things happen, Heavenly Father will help me through them.
This totally changed my whole outlook on life. I have been so much happier ever since! It's the best feeling ever! I'm so grateful for my loving Heavenly Father who knows me and is in charge of everything.

"There's really no point in worrying because what happens will happen whether I worry about it or not."

True Confidence

Lately I've been noticing strange fluctuations in confidence levels within myself. I think this something that all teenagers face- all people, really. Since the new school year started, I have been  beginning to really search for my niche. I think I've always kind of known where that is, but it's just a little bit different now. I think I used to define myself by my friends or the activities I enjoy. Now though, since I don't see my best friends very often in the day and I keep being plunged into seas of new people, my definition of myself sort of faded. In it's place a new self-image is currently forming. I'm learning to be confident in me. Not my hobbies, talents, or friends, but me. It's an interesting thing. And it has been difficult. But difficult in unexpected ways. For example, I have felt loneliness at times. In the past, I was always surrounded by friends and never was truly acquainted with that feeling. But as we are progressing through high school, my friends and I have fewer and fewer classes together. Though I have always been one to reach out and meet new people, my self-confidence has been tested as I have been surrounded by many new people. Though it has been difficult, and I've made some mistakes, I'm pleased to say that I have made new friends, and reestablished old friendships through it all.
Anyhow, I find all of this very interesting. In terms of our progression, Heavenly Father isn't only worried about the outcome, but also the process. I have found this to be very true. It is so fascinating for me to ponder this past month and see how I've struggled and grown from that. I'm humbled, and also very excited about the growth the future will bring, even if it is challenging. I'm very excited about the true self-confidence I am building. It's so cool!

Teenagers talk about how having the Holy Ghost with them helps them have true confidence.

Why is Life Hard?

In the past few months the question has come to my mind, "Why does the Lord make it hard for us to do the things He wants us to do?". During these months I have struggled with some injuries which make it impossible to play viola. I know that being a violist is one of my purposes in life. It will be my career and part of my future. I know that this is not only my will for me, but God's will for me. Why then, would I have injuries that make it impossible to practice? That's the only way I'll get to where I need to be! And as a matter of fact, this is the second injury I've had in the past three years which has forced me to stop playing for months at a time. Last week I found the answer to my unanswered query.
I actually knew the answer before I "understood the answer". I knew that the Lord gives us trials to increase our faith. We have hardships so that we have the added opportunity to call upon the Lord, and trust in Him and His timing. But it seemed impossible in my mind that I could progress in my musicianship without practicing. I already had a lot of faith. My predicament just didn't make sense.
At EFY we watched a video presentation where there were some apostles and prophets speaking over some clips of the bible videos (the ones that depict Christ's life). I was watching a clip of Mary, nine months pregnant, sitting on a donkey in the afternoon heat of a crowded, smelly street in Bethlehem. Being the mother of the Savior was one of her callings in life. Because of that, Heavenly Father could have made it so that she was in a comfortable, air-conditioned room with the best medical equipment around. But He didn't. He let her endure that tribulation so that she could learn of her capabilities and strength, acquire humility, and learn to further rely upon the Lord. Just like Mary, my affliction doesn't make sense. But in actuality, it does. My trials allow me to practice faith and gain humility. I am learning to put even more trust in the Lord. I have seen myself have more faith in His timing. It's truly beautiful.
I'm so grateful for the trials I have. I really am. Looking back on my past, the hardest times are the ones when I've been closest to the Lord, and they're the points in my life which I treasure the most. I'm so grateful that Father loves us enough to test us, and that He is always there during the rough and smooth patches alike.

"...nine months pregnant, sitting on a donkey in the afternoon heat of a crowded, smelly street in Bethlehem."

Because I Kept a Scripture Journal

Today something really cool happened to me at church. I got to Sunday School with my friends and we were waiting around for our teacher to come. We technically don't have a teacher right now because our previous one was just released, so we were waiting for the sub. But a while passed and no one came. My friends asked me if I would teach the lesson. I agreed, even though I hadn't prepared anything. So, I pulled out my scripture journal. Inside of it, I take notes when people give talks, at firesides, during lessons, general conference, etc. I opened to a random page, skimmed it, and was able to teach from the notes I had taken on a talk given in sacrament meeting five months ago. There were scripture references, analogies, and impressions I had felt. I used my own thoughts, impressions, and knowledge as well to give the lesson fluidity. We referenced the scriptures several times and drew upon at least three stories from the scriptures. Our teacher finally came in with only twenty minutes left of the class and let me continue teaching.
This was a very cool moment for me. I felt the Spirit confirming that Heavenly Father was proud of me. And I'm proud of me, too. I'm happy that I was able to take notes and that I could teach by using the promptings of the Holy ghost. I felt the Spirit in my lesson. It was so special because I knew the things to say and teach, even though I had only a list of bullet points in front of me. I truly know that Lord is mindful of us and loves us dearly. He wants to bless us and He wants us to be happy.

This is a slightly goofy picture of me with my study journals. The middle two are completely full. The journal on the left is halfway full, but I got bored of using it. Haha. And the notebook on the far right is my current notebook.

Seriously though, study notebooks are the coolest things ever. You can record impressions you receive during scripture study, info from talks, etc.

Here's a typical page in mine. I use different arrows and indentations and bullet points to keep things organized. And, notes don't have to be perfect.

You can even glue in handouts from class.

Here's a page in a past study journal where I really wanted to learn a lot about faith. So I printed out some information about faith from True to the Faith and glued it in. Then, I methodically went through and looked up every scripture reference and even some of the footnote scriptures of those scriptures. I recorded other scriptures I found and impressions I received.

I ran out of room on that page, so I glued in a piece of paper to fold down. The writing is on the other side.

 If you don't already have a study notebook, you should consider keeping one. You can use it however you want. You don't have to keep yours like mine. Everyone is different. But I am always so grateful that I record this information and the sacred impressions I receive from the Holy Ghost while studying. And I know that the Lord blesses us with more spiritual experiences if we show Him we treasure the ones he gives us by writing them down.

If you want ideas for starting a scripture journal or have any questions, let me know!

They Will Hear the Gospel

Lately I feel like the focus around me has been missionary work. My leaders and teachers have been stressing this very important part of gospel living a lot recently. And, my dad was just called as ward mission leader, so it's brought up often. The missionaries come over a lot and it's great.
Today in young women's, our class had a lesson about the restoration and my teacher focused on how we can talk to our friends about the restoration and making sure we knew why it was so important and how a solid knowledge of the restoration can affect missionary moments. Being a member missionary is a huge part of my life. I absolutely love sharing the gospel with my friends. It brings me so much joy and happiness and complete bliss- I want my friends to have that as well. But, sitting in class today, I began to be very frustrated. I felt so sad because people outside of the church don't really realize what they don't have. They don't understand the joy, comfort, and blessings they aren't receiving.  It fills my soul with complete despair that these people- my brothers and sisters- don't have this in their lives right now and that they don't know what they are missing.
But then, whenever I begin to feel this way, the Lord comforts me. He lets me know that He loves His children and will provide for them in His own time. I had one such experience recently:

Our seminary teacher challenged us to ask our friends if they had any questions for us about the church. We were to record their questions and bring them to seminary so that we could learn to better answer them. I asked one friend in particular if she could ask me some questions. This friend is one of the people I love most dearly. She very religious herself, and has shown interest in understanding our religion. She thinks deeply and always has lots of questions about life. After being asked she told me that she'd give me a list of questions the next day.
And questions she gave me! I was expecting a few one or two-sentence questions. Instead, each of her questions were at least half a (typed) page long. She had obviously done her research because she quoted LDS scriptures such as the Doctrine and Covenants, and other books which contain words of the prophets. Using her doctrines, she used logic to try to prove why our religion must be incorrect.
I read through the questions, and with each sentence I read I became more and more sad. The Spirit instantly left me and it seemed as though each word I read slapped me in the face. I was so saddened by her words.
Later that night, however, she texted me. She told me that she didn't mean to offend me and how much she loved me. She bore her testimony of the truth she knows by saying that she was just looking out for me because eternity is a long time and Jesus is coming soon. It was at that moment that the Spirit whispered to me that she will eventually hear and accept the gospel. I felt the warmth of the Holy Ghost confirm his words. It was beautiful to me that I could receive confirmation that a friend I love so dearly will be able to obtain the joy I so cherish.

A Note on Progress

As I was laying in bed last night I was pondering the mysteries of the universe. Okay, not really, but I was thinking deeply about my current life. Lately, I've felt stagnant. I'm not digressing or doing anything wrong, but I haven't truly been progressing. And that's why we're in this mortal state- to progress! As I was mulling over the cause of my lack of movement I had an epiphany. Here's what went on in my head:

Whitney's Mind: "Why do I feel like I'm not progressing? It's so frustrating! I hate it when this happens. What can I do to start accomplishing things? I know! Maybe tomorrow I can do this certain thing. That will help me in this goal in my life. Oh, but wait. Man, I don't like doing that. It's out of my comfort zone. Hold on!!! Wait a minute! Duh! That's the key to growth! You have to step out of your comfort zone! Woah! That makes so much sense! Oh, and didn't I hear a talk about that a while ago? Yes, yes I did. Wow! I think I just discovered the key to success!"

And there was much rejoicing. In fact, my brain might have even danced a jig or something. It's completely possible.

Also, I did hear a talk about progression that mentioned leaving our comfort zones. Here are some profound things I learned form it:

• When we reach plateaus, that's when Heavenly Father sees if we really want to grow.
• As we take the sacrament each week, Father asks us, "My child, what did you do this week to grow?" He doesn't expect perfection, just growth.
• If we are going to stay above the growing evil, we have to keep growing!

So, today I applied my principle that stepping out of our comfort zones brings growth. I was practicing viola. I just got the music for an opera last night and I started practicing it today. Let me tell you- it is the hardest music I've ever played!!! I really didn't want to start practicing that music this morning. It seemed so scary!  But, I remembered that I needed to step out of my comfort zone if I wanted to grow musically. So, I practiced it. And yes, it was uncomfortable. I didn't really love it. But, I know for sure that I am that much closer to mastering the music, and that my skill in general increased ever-so-slightly because I exercised faith in that principle. I finished practicing with satisfaction and the beautiful feeling of being proud of myself.

It makes me wonder- what could each of us do if we stepped outside of our comfort zones? How would you grow? What could our world accomplish?

Coming Full Circle

Life is going really well for me right now. It is especially so in contrast to this time last year (See here, here, and especially here). Not everything about my life is perfect, but my life is so amazing! I've been able to see how the Lord comes full circle and delivers the blessings promised for obedience and as a result of several long-lasting hardships I've endured. Nothing is as rewarding as this.

Over the past three or four years, I've been working on a personal goal which I never achieved. This January I rededicated myself to this goal (again) and I'm finally making progress! It's a visible sort of progress that I can see all the time, and it's so incredibly rewarding to know that I'm beginning to conquer something I've been struggling with for so long!

As you can read in the links above, I've had a loooot of back problems over the past year and a half. I was in pain, I could hardly move, I couldn't play my viola, and didn't know if I ever would again (which, if you don't know, viola is my LIFE! I plan to major in it, etc.), I wore a back brace which looked terrible and was extremely uncomfortable... you get the picture. It was hard.But, a year and a half later, I have been extremely blessed! I now am in the highest orchestra in my school, and I'm first chair. Because my back is strong enough I am able to practice a lot, which helps me excel.  I also started a string quartet with some of my friends, and we now play for weddings, parties, and such. And, this year I am a member of the Honor Orchestra of America, which, if you're not a musician, is a big deal. I'm sooooo incredibly excited, and SO grateful to my Heavenly Father who has blessed me to make these things possible.

Most of my life I've battled severe chronic depression. This was especially hard to bear last winter in addition to the other trials I had. It became much worse. But slowly, I have learned how to combat the negative feelings which seem to constantly threaten to make camp in my brain. Through the Lord's help, I am able to feel peaceful, joyful, and optimistic nearly all the time. This is such a relief and beautiful blessing for which I am extremely grateful.

I feel so blessed right now. It's so wonderful to be in a season of my life filled with blessings. There are even more blessings I'm experiencing, but I can't list them all. I love my Heavenly Father, and I know He loves me.

Blessings From Promptings Part One

Wow! It's been a REALLY long time since I've posted! I'm sorry. Life has gotten in the way. But don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my blog, or all of you lovely readers. I have several posts I want to do really soon, but I can't write them all now, so one must suffice for the time being.

So, I've had some really cool experiences lately regarding the blessings I've received from following the promptings of the Holy Ghost. And, I want to tell you about two of these times.

If you rewind my life to the second day back from Christmas break, that is where my story begins. I was at lunch. Most of my closest friends and I were sitting at our usual table. We were blessed enough to be with mostly the same people and found the same table as we'd had the semester before. I was having a great time talking with my friends about the new semester. Looking up, I saw *Josh meandering around the cafeteria. He didn't seem to have a place to sit. Josh is an awkward kid. He's really smart, but he doesn't have many friends. He wandered around the room for a long time. It seemed to me as though we were in a classic New-Era-story-situation; he, wandering around, and I in a position to help. I knew I should offer him a seat at our table, but it astonished me how much I didn't want to offer him a seat. I felt promptings pecking at my heart, but I rationalized reasons why I didn't need to help Josh, and pushed the promptings away. I did that all lunch period, and I'm quite ashamed to say that I never invited him to sit with us that day.
Now you are wondering why this story is at all inspiring. Just be patient. You'll see.
Later that day I was reflecting on the occurrence. I knew what I had done was wrong. I prayed that my Father would help me feel sorry for what I did and help me feel the error I made. After more pondering, I remembered something one of my young women's leaders said:

"My brother was one of the kids that no one talked to. He was awkward and couldn't connect with people. One day I was driving past his elementary school and I saw all of the kids playing at recess. He was in the outermost corner of the playground by himself. I remember praying everyday after that day that someone would just talk to him. Never forget that every awkward kid you know is someone's brother and that they are probably praying that someone will talk to their brother that day."

I immediately felt the wrong I had done. I prayed to my merciful Father in Heaven and told Him that if He would give me another chance, I wouldn't mess it up. I told Him I was sorry, and that I truly knew that every kid is His son or daughter. I prayed and prayed that I would get another chance to help someone like that. And another chance I got.

In fact, the chance came the next day. At lunch. I was sitting at the same table, with the same friends. And who did I see wandering around the lunch room? Josh. I knew exactly what I had to do, that time. I knew I couldn't let the Lord down again. After all, I specifically asked Him for this opportunity. So, I told my friends that I was inviting Josh to sit with us. They agreed. I got up and ran over to him. When I extended the invitation to sit with us, such a smile of relief and happiness filled his face. It was beautiful. He came  and sat down with us. I introduced him to everyone at the table. In that instant, I knew for sure that I had done the right thing and that my Father was proud of me.

This is only half of the story, but if I write anymore in this post, it will get really lengthy. So, stay tuned for part two.

The Cure For Not-As-Good Days

Hello everybody. How are you guys doing? Have you had a good day? Most of the time, I have really good days. Probably about 98.5% of the time. I'm really good at having good days because I work very hard at being optimistic. But, I also have not-as-good days. Notice, I did not call them bad days.  I don't believe in bad days. No matter what may happen, you can at least learn from that experience. And learning is good, therefore, there are no bad days. :D Haha.
Well, today I had a not-as-good day. There were good moments, and not-as-good moments, as there are in every day, but today I had some particularly not-as-good moments. I was criticized by my friend. She was trying to help me, but I don't take criticism well, and she didn't say it in the nicest way. I've been having a hard time in one of my classes, and I was worrying about that today. I've also been struggling with some interesting and...um, unwanted emotions lately. And, I had a terrible time on the bus today. In a nutshell, my bus ride consisted of: hearing people talk about taking drugs, those same people passing around pornography, swear words whizzing past my ears every other second, and inappropriate music blaring from the bus speakers. Unfortunately, I forgot my headphones for my iPod so that I could listen to it to block out all of those things on the bus today.

I felt kind of like this today.

So, I got home, and was really upset. After pacing around the house in distress, I finally managed a sobbed-out prayer. I asked over and over, "Father, please help me. I need Thy help. Please help me." After a while of that, a thought/image/feeling came to me. It was of the Savior and I sitting, and my head was in His lap. He was stroking my hair and calming me. This answer to my prayer, which came from the Holy Ghost, helped me realize that I'm not alone, and that my Savior loves me so much. He is rooting for me, and will always be there for me.

He is at our door; we only need to let Him in, and He will help  us bear our burdens.

I'm so grateful for the power of prayer, and for the Holy Ghost. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers. I never want to do anything that will block this sacred communication I have with my Father in Heaven. I know that Jesus is my advocate and that He loves me.

The Blessings of Trials

Lately, I've been feeling the most wonderful joy inside of me, for no apparent reason at all. Well, sort of. There hasn't been any big, extraordinary event in my life lately, and I still have struggles, but my life is just so happy.
I feel so overjoyed to be alive. I know that I have a special and divine purpose here on earth. I can feel that. I am starting to see my part in life and it's so exciting.
As you may know, this past winter, spring, and summer were really tough for me. They were the hardest months I've ever known. I went through many long, drawn out trials. I prayed over and over again for solace, healing, and peace. They were months filled with pain and desperation. Now, however, I'm seeing those trials come to a close and I am experiencing a very blessed reprieve. I feel so grateful to my Heavenly Father that He gave me the strength to come out on top. I am so blessed.
Looking in retrospect, I can see just how much those painfully, seemingly excruciating trials helped me grow. I can see how much my relationship with my Savior, Father in Heaven, and the Holy Ghost have grown. I have learned to pray with all of my might to my Heavenly Father. He listens, and loves me. I've realized how magnificent and marvelous Christ's atonement is for me. And, I've come to recognize the Holy Ghost's influence more precisely in my life. These are incredible gifts that help me every day.
For example, the past seven months I have worn a back brace. When I first got it, I was devastated. It looked so awful on me, and I felt so self conscious. Sometimes I didn't even want to leave the house. Plus, it was uncomfortable. I tried and I tried to accept it. I prayed continually that Father would grant me the power to see myself as He did, instead of just seeing how I looked. It took a long time, about six months, but finally I started being able to see myself as a beautiful daughter of God. This is one of the main things I learned from wearing my brace. I realized that it truly is not what's on the outside that counts. My identity is not what color my hair is, or how shirts may look on me, that is just an earthly shell. My identity is a noble, royal, elect daughter of God, saved through the ages for such a time as this. Finally, a few weeks ago, my doctor gave me permission to stop wearing the brace. I feel so incredibly liberated and exhilarated. I didn't realize how much of a blessing it is to be able to bend over, twist my torso, and stretch my back until I had a large, ugly, green piece of plastic wrapped around my body everyday.

This is kind of what my brace looked like, except it was forest green (it had a water droplet pattern), and the straps were a little different. But, the top went to a bit under my neck, the bottom went over my hips.

Also, ever since last fall, one of my dear friends has been suffering a devastating trial. It practically destroyed this wonderful person. It was so difficult to see my friend in so much anguish, and know that they wouldn't accept the Lord's help. I've been praying for this person everyday for a year, and fasting for them every single fast Sunday. Sometimes I even fasted for my friend on non-fast Sundays. But, about a week or to ago, I put this person's name on the temple prayer roll. I'd never done that for anyone before, but I knew it couldn't hurt. Almost immediately, I saw a change in this person. My friend's habits have begun to change for the better. I've seen this person begin to draw closer to the Lord. And my relationship with this friend has increased ever so much just in this short period of time. I'm so extremely grateful that the Lord is answering my prayer and helping my amazing friend. I have developed a testimony of the temple prayer roll. I'm so incredibly thankful for it. And I'm so very glad that my friend is beginning to be healed by the Savior's atonement.
This, my dear friends, is why I am so full of joy. I am just so wonderfully glad that I have such a loving and merciful God. My testimony has truly been strengthened through my trials, and there have been many. I'm so eternally grateful that I am the daughter of my Father in Heaven. I know for sure that there are great things in store for me. I know that He has a plan and purpose for me here on this earth.
If you are struggling, upset, angry, afflicted, depressed, grieving, or are in any other way facing trials, turn to the Lord. He holds the balm for your pain. I know this to be true with every fiber of my being. The Lord loves you. I know this. You are a precious child of a King.

Christ's arms are always open. He will carry you.

Stories from School

Hey! Well, I started school again on Wednesday. And, it was nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be! It was actually fun! I met lots of new people, and I didn't even get lost once, which for me is pretty amazing! I know that the Lord blessed me so that things went smoothly for me. Starting this school also allowed me to have some pretty amazing experiences, and I want to share some of them with you.

The first day went pretty well. But, by the time lunch rolled around, I couldn't find anyone I knew to sit with. So, I started to worry. But then I found a girl I sort of knew, and she let me sit with her. After that, some of her friends, whom I didn't know, sat at the table as well. we were introduced, and they seemed nice enough. But soon they started swearing and talking about things I didn't want to hear. I just looked away and never laughed or responded when they talked of those things. After a while of that, my acquaintance looked over at me when they were talking and said, "This makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it." I was surprised, so I responded saying, "Well, yeah it does." She said, "I could kind of tell." Then I asked, "How did you know that I don't speak like that? We haven't really known each other that long." She said, "I don't know. You just don't seem like that kind of person." This really touched me. It made me realize that other people truly do see my example, even if they don't say so all the time. 

At the end of the second day of school, I got on the bus to go home. However, all of the seats that I would have wanted were full. So, I sat in the only empty seat, which was near the back of the bus, and the seats which surrounded it were filled with who were a lot bigger and older than me, and who I knew were really mean. Needless to say, I was kinda scared of them. I was afraid that they would try to do something to me, and all of the awful things that they were capable of doing rushed through my mind. I thought for sure that the bus ride home would be miserable. So then, I decided to say a prayer to comfort and protect me. Before I could even finish saying my prayer, this scripture came to my mind:

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

- Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

I realized that God would send His angels to protect me should I need protecting. In fact, I thought, there could have been an angel sitting next to me on that bus, and I didn't know. After Heavenly Father told me that through the Holy Ghost, I felt calm. I was able to listen to my ipod for the rest of the bus ride in peace. Those boys ended up ignoring me the whole ride home, which is just how I wanted it. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father protects us and that He answers our prayers.

These have been some powerful lessons for me. They seemed like small occurrences at the time, but after looking back, I realized that Heavenly Father blesses me in many small, almost imperceptible ways every day! It's incredible! Now I've been able to find those small blessings everywhere, which in itself is a blessing! I'm so grateful for my loving Father in Heaven. And I'm so grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ who makes every day worth living. 

 

No Longer Afraid

Hey guys! I'm really excited to officially open the YouTube channel for The Life of a Mormon Teen soon!  Be watching!
So, this school year, I am going to a new school. And I am really scared. I've been scared about this for a long time, but no matter how unprepared I feel, school is going to start. Next week.  So, I've been thinking about this, pondering the situation, mulling it over, playing billions of possible future scenarios in my head, and no matter what, I'm still scared. And, as I've been scared, in the back of my mind I've kept thinking "fear and faith cannot dwell together". I know I need to have faith, but at the same time I just want to wallow in my fear.
But I have made a decision. No longer will I give in to the fear that's plaguing me. Those feelings come from Satan, and I don't want him to rule my life. The adversary knows that I'm no good to the world when I live in fear, so he bombards me with it. But I am going to prove to myself and to the Lord that I am stronger than Satan. I will not be afraid, even though there are so many things for me to be afraid about. I desire to make a difference in this world, so I will.
I really like these words from Elder Neil L. Anderson:

 "Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” 

^{-Neil L. Anderson, 2008}

I will have faith in Jesus that He will help me through this transition, and throughout the rest of my schooling and life. He knows and loves me, and He will take care of me. The Lord promises us in Doctrine and Covenants 88:84:

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

-Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

I really love the Lord's promise that He will send angels to help us when we need help. I know this to be true. I have literally felt angels around me in my darkest times. I am so grateful for my wonderful Savior. And I am grateful that I don't need to fear. I love my Savior.