Humble Happiness

A few days ago I woke up, as they say, on the wrong side of the bed. Something about me is that I make it a point in my life to be happy as much as I can, but that morning, I just couldn't be, no matter how hard I tried. So, I told myself that I couldn't get ready for school until I was happy. I said a prayer, telling Heavenly Father that I wanted to be happy, and that I was trying to be happy. I asked Him to help me be happy. But when I completed my prayer, I still wasn't happy. Frustrated, I immediately began praying again. This time I said, "I can't do this on my own. I really need thy help to be happy today.". All of a sudden, it was as if the negativity inside of me was swept away. It just kind of dissipated. Throughout the course of the day, several things went wrong, because of which, a couple people told me it just wasn't my day, but I was still genuinely happy nonetheless. This is because my happiness came not from my circumstances and surroundings, but from God, and my relationship with Him.

This experience reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures (which happens to be a Book of Mormon scripture mastery!), Ether 12:27-

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." 

Usually I think of this in term of "big weaknesses", habitual ones that take lots of time to correct. However, that day I realized that it can apply to "small weaknesses" as well. Because I went to the Lord in prayer and recognized that I couldn't be happy by myself that day, and that I could only do it through Him, He made that weak thing become strong for me that day.

I am going to try to apply this more often in my life. For example, you may recall that my favorite phrase is, "I can do hard things!". I am now amending it to say, "I can do hard things with God!". What can you do in your life through humility? It really is a power. 

*(By the way, finding "if/then" phrases in the scriptures is really cool. You'll see that I highlighted the scripture above in that way. These are conditional promises the Lord gives us. It's pretty cool to find them! I always mark them in my scriptures when I come across them! And they don't ALWAYS have the words if/then explicitly written, but the promises are still there.)  

 

Your Call To Action!

This weekend was really challenging for me. Actually, Friday was, mostly. I had a really hard day of school. I felt really lonely. The worldliness of my school was really affecting the Spirit I was so used to feeling. Though it wasn't true, I felt like none of my friends actually loved me. I thought that if I were to disappear that no one would care.
Ewww. What a day.
During the course of that day, I prayed a lot. I mean, tons. You know how the scriptures talk about pouring out your heart to Heavenly Father? Well, I really poured out my heart to Him on Friday, more than I had in a long time. Afterwards I did feel a bit better, but the comfort I yearned for came gradually. I was expecting a huge wave of relief to wash over me while I cried out to God whilst kneeling on my bed, but it didn't happen that way. The comfort for which I longed came a little at a time over the weekend, mostly in ways I didn't expect.
First, my dad came to talk to me on Friday night. We talked, and I was able to vent about my problems and emotions to him. Then, my family watched a movie together, and I was at peace spending time with them. On Saturday, our ward went to the temple, which was a tremendous boost. Absolutely substantial! But on Sunday, doubts began to creep back into my mind, veeeery slowly. However, after church, out of the blue, one of the young women in my ward handed me a page-long note she'd written to me. She told me that she had felt inspired to write it for me, and that she hoped the words she wrote were the ones I needed to hear. It was beautiful. This young woman had, indeed, written exactly what I needed to read.
Then, last night and this afternoon, a really great young man from my stake was texting me. He simply told me that he thinks I am beautiful and told me that other young men in the stake think so as well, but that they're too shy to tell me. I hadn't asked him for compliments, nor was he trying to flirt with me. He was just being honest, but his words made a huge impact on me!  
Young men and young women alike- take note! Your words and actions have a TREMENDOUS effect on those around you! It's hard to understand what a wonderful ripple effect one can have on one another until you have been on the receiving end of such kind actions. It's truly beautiful. And the best part is, anyone can be that one- the one who makes a difference in someone's day, week, or life. You can. You really can! I challenge you to make a goal each day to do something, even something simple, to brighten someone's life. If each of us does one more good deed each day, what could we accomplish? How many lives would be blessed?
This is your call to action! What will you do with it?

They Will Hear the Gospel

Lately I feel like the focus around me has been missionary work. My leaders and teachers have been stressing this very important part of gospel living a lot recently. And, my dad was just called as ward mission leader, so it's brought up often. The missionaries come over a lot and it's great.
Today in young women's, our class had a lesson about the restoration and my teacher focused on how we can talk to our friends about the restoration and making sure we knew why it was so important and how a solid knowledge of the restoration can affect missionary moments. Being a member missionary is a huge part of my life. I absolutely love sharing the gospel with my friends. It brings me so much joy and happiness and complete bliss- I want my friends to have that as well. But, sitting in class today, I began to be very frustrated. I felt so sad because people outside of the church don't really realize what they don't have. They don't understand the joy, comfort, and blessings they aren't receiving.  It fills my soul with complete despair that these people- my brothers and sisters- don't have this in their lives right now and that they don't know what they are missing.
But then, whenever I begin to feel this way, the Lord comforts me. He lets me know that He loves His children and will provide for them in His own time. I had one such experience recently:

Our seminary teacher challenged us to ask our friends if they had any questions for us about the church. We were to record their questions and bring them to seminary so that we could learn to better answer them. I asked one friend in particular if she could ask me some questions. This friend is one of the people I love most dearly. She very religious herself, and has shown interest in understanding our religion. She thinks deeply and always has lots of questions about life. After being asked she told me that she'd give me a list of questions the next day.
And questions she gave me! I was expecting a few one or two-sentence questions. Instead, each of her questions were at least half a (typed) page long. She had obviously done her research because she quoted LDS scriptures such as the Doctrine and Covenants, and other books which contain words of the prophets. Using her doctrines, she used logic to try to prove why our religion must be incorrect.
I read through the questions, and with each sentence I read I became more and more sad. The Spirit instantly left me and it seemed as though each word I read slapped me in the face. I was so saddened by her words.
Later that night, however, she texted me. She told me that she didn't mean to offend me and how much she loved me. She bore her testimony of the truth she knows by saying that she was just looking out for me because eternity is a long time and Jesus is coming soon. It was at that moment that the Spirit whispered to me that she will eventually hear and accept the gospel. I felt the warmth of the Holy Ghost confirm his words. It was beautiful to me that I could receive confirmation that a friend I love so dearly will be able to obtain the joy I so cherish.

Coming Full Circle

Life is going really well for me right now. It is especially so in contrast to this time last year (See here, here, and especially here). Not everything about my life is perfect, but my life is so amazing! I've been able to see how the Lord comes full circle and delivers the blessings promised for obedience and as a result of several long-lasting hardships I've endured. Nothing is as rewarding as this.

Over the past three or four years, I've been working on a personal goal which I never achieved. This January I rededicated myself to this goal (again) and I'm finally making progress! It's a visible sort of progress that I can see all the time, and it's so incredibly rewarding to know that I'm beginning to conquer something I've been struggling with for so long!

As you can read in the links above, I've had a loooot of back problems over the past year and a half. I was in pain, I could hardly move, I couldn't play my viola, and didn't know if I ever would again (which, if you don't know, viola is my LIFE! I plan to major in it, etc.), I wore a back brace which looked terrible and was extremely uncomfortable... you get the picture. It was hard.But, a year and a half later, I have been extremely blessed! I now am in the highest orchestra in my school, and I'm first chair. Because my back is strong enough I am able to practice a lot, which helps me excel.  I also started a string quartet with some of my friends, and we now play for weddings, parties, and such. And, this year I am a member of the Honor Orchestra of America, which, if you're not a musician, is a big deal. I'm sooooo incredibly excited, and SO grateful to my Heavenly Father who has blessed me to make these things possible.

Most of my life I've battled severe chronic depression. This was especially hard to bear last winter in addition to the other trials I had. It became much worse. But slowly, I have learned how to combat the negative feelings which seem to constantly threaten to make camp in my brain. Through the Lord's help, I am able to feel peaceful, joyful, and optimistic nearly all the time. This is such a relief and beautiful blessing for which I am extremely grateful.

I feel so blessed right now. It's so wonderful to be in a season of my life filled with blessings. There are even more blessings I'm experiencing, but I can't list them all. I love my Heavenly Father, and I know He loves me.

Father Loves to Bless Us

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing completely awesomely, which, I'm sure you are!

So, I have seating auditions on Wednesday. Two days from now. And, accordingly, I've been practicing my butt off. But, I've been super nervous because I haven't felt ready. And my time for practice is slowly dwindling. As of earlier today, I did not AT ALL feel prepared. But now I do. The acquisition of that prepared feeling has a story. Because I like stories.

It starts this morning. In the morning, I planned to spend all evening practicing tonight.  And that concludes the morning portion of the story. So I went about my day. Right before orchestra, last period, I found my best friend Kallie*, and we began to walk to class. But she seemed really sad. She wouldn't talk, and I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong. I'd never seen her like that before. It was really scary for me because I didn't know how to react. All I knew was that my bestest friend ever was obviously going through deep emotional pain. It tore my heart. And I felt awful that I couldn't help because she wouldn't tell me what was going on. So, I never ended up finding out. We had orchestra, then we went home. I told her over and over that I loved her, and I texted her, and wrote on her facebook wall. I prayed that Heavenly Father would comfort her. But I was depressed. I was scared because I didn't know if, like, she got a text from her mom that her sister was in the hospital, or if her grandma died, or… I don't even know.  But I was worried sick. And depressed.

So, I got home, and I tried to practice. I hacked away at my auditions cuts and solo piece for about an hour, but it was fruitful in only the sour fruits of frustration, self-anger, more depression, worry, and back pain. I felt miserable. Nothing was working. I was so scared for auditions and about Kallie.

After dinner, I texted Kallie again, and this time she told me that she felt all better. I was OVERJOYED! Relief flooded me. I felt awesome. It astonished me just how much worry left me when I knew she was okay.

So then, I practiced again. This time I prayed that Heavenly Father would help me with my practice. I was a little skeptical because I didn't know if He would help since I ask for things so much, but I decided that if I went ahead and prayed for that blessing, and had faith that He could and would, that He would. And my Father did.

Right after my prayer, I thought, "Hey, I need to rosin my bow." So I did. Then, I knew I needed slow metronome practice. So I set it up. Then, I knew just how slowly to start practicing. My practicing was beautifully smooth and practically perfect.  I increased in ability a lot-fold. I don't know how much. Just a lot. I now feel a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot more confident for the chair test. AND I still have another day for practice. I've got this!

I'm so grateful for my Father in Heaven who loves me sooooo much. Today I learned that He loves blessing us, and doesn't get annoyed when we ask Him for things. He wants to bless me. And I love Him.

*Name has been changed

Prayer is so powerful. It's our access to fortification from heaven.

I Want to Have That Kind of Faith

So this morning I watched one of the most touching Mormon Messages I've ever seen. Which is saying something because Mormon Messages rock.

Basically, it's about a young man and his father who were in a car wreck with their whole family and they were the only survivors. They share how they are still happy because they know they can live with their family forever.

You should really watch it. Here, I'll make it easy.

Did you watch it? If you were too lazy, at least watch from 1:51 to 2:52.

I love how the first thing this young man did when he heard the news of the deaths of most of his family was to smile. He smiled because he knew that everything would be alright. He knew that his family was safe in the arms of heaven and that he'd see them again.

We are the children of Christ. He will comfort us. Go to Him and He will embrace you.

I want to have that kind of faith. If that were to happen to me, I want to have enough faith so that my first reaction could be a smile of peace and love.

I love my family. And I am so incredibly grateful beyond words for the beautiful plan of happiness that our Father in Heaven has given to us. It's a beautiful gift from Him because He loves us.

The Blessings of Trials

Lately, I've been feeling the most wonderful joy inside of me, for no apparent reason at all. Well, sort of. There hasn't been any big, extraordinary event in my life lately, and I still have struggles, but my life is just so happy.
I feel so overjoyed to be alive. I know that I have a special and divine purpose here on earth. I can feel that. I am starting to see my part in life and it's so exciting.
As you may know, this past winter, spring, and summer were really tough for me. They were the hardest months I've ever known. I went through many long, drawn out trials. I prayed over and over again for solace, healing, and peace. They were months filled with pain and desperation. Now, however, I'm seeing those trials come to a close and I am experiencing a very blessed reprieve. I feel so grateful to my Heavenly Father that He gave me the strength to come out on top. I am so blessed.
Looking in retrospect, I can see just how much those painfully, seemingly excruciating trials helped me grow. I can see how much my relationship with my Savior, Father in Heaven, and the Holy Ghost have grown. I have learned to pray with all of my might to my Heavenly Father. He listens, and loves me. I've realized how magnificent and marvelous Christ's atonement is for me. And, I've come to recognize the Holy Ghost's influence more precisely in my life. These are incredible gifts that help me every day.
For example, the past seven months I have worn a back brace. When I first got it, I was devastated. It looked so awful on me, and I felt so self conscious. Sometimes I didn't even want to leave the house. Plus, it was uncomfortable. I tried and I tried to accept it. I prayed continually that Father would grant me the power to see myself as He did, instead of just seeing how I looked. It took a long time, about six months, but finally I started being able to see myself as a beautiful daughter of God. This is one of the main things I learned from wearing my brace. I realized that it truly is not what's on the outside that counts. My identity is not what color my hair is, or how shirts may look on me, that is just an earthly shell. My identity is a noble, royal, elect daughter of God, saved through the ages for such a time as this. Finally, a few weeks ago, my doctor gave me permission to stop wearing the brace. I feel so incredibly liberated and exhilarated. I didn't realize how much of a blessing it is to be able to bend over, twist my torso, and stretch my back until I had a large, ugly, green piece of plastic wrapped around my body everyday.

This is kind of what my brace looked like, except it was forest green (it had a water droplet pattern), and the straps were a little different. But, the top went to a bit under my neck, the bottom went over my hips.

Also, ever since last fall, one of my dear friends has been suffering a devastating trial. It practically destroyed this wonderful person. It was so difficult to see my friend in so much anguish, and know that they wouldn't accept the Lord's help. I've been praying for this person everyday for a year, and fasting for them every single fast Sunday. Sometimes I even fasted for my friend on non-fast Sundays. But, about a week or to ago, I put this person's name on the temple prayer roll. I'd never done that for anyone before, but I knew it couldn't hurt. Almost immediately, I saw a change in this person. My friend's habits have begun to change for the better. I've seen this person begin to draw closer to the Lord. And my relationship with this friend has increased ever so much just in this short period of time. I'm so extremely grateful that the Lord is answering my prayer and helping my amazing friend. I have developed a testimony of the temple prayer roll. I'm so incredibly thankful for it. And I'm so very glad that my friend is beginning to be healed by the Savior's atonement.
This, my dear friends, is why I am so full of joy. I am just so wonderfully glad that I have such a loving and merciful God. My testimony has truly been strengthened through my trials, and there have been many. I'm so eternally grateful that I am the daughter of my Father in Heaven. I know for sure that there are great things in store for me. I know that He has a plan and purpose for me here on this earth.
If you are struggling, upset, angry, afflicted, depressed, grieving, or are in any other way facing trials, turn to the Lord. He holds the balm for your pain. I know this to be true with every fiber of my being. The Lord loves you. I know this. You are a precious child of a King.

Christ's arms are always open. He will carry you.

Conference: Why it has Everything to do with You

 

Next weekend, something exciting is happening. I'm not talking about a football game, or a concert. I'm talking about General Conference.  You may be wondering, "What does this have to do with me?". I'll tell you. General Conference has everything to do with you. Here's why.

1. Being a teen is hard, as you know, and you can gain specific revelation that pertains to you during General Conference. Here's how.  Before Conference, prayerfully ponder some questions you have, or some of the difficulties in your life. During conference, listen to the speakers, songs, and prayers. Also listen to the Holy Ghost. He is the one who will give you the teach you. Be prepared to write down any thoughts, feelings, or promptings you get during conference. This is more important than taking notes of the speakers' talks. Their talks will be published for you to read over and over again, but the Holy Ghost's whisperings that day might not be.
2. Even though the speakers are not young, they still have things to say that will interest you and better your life. Because they are much older than us, these General Authorities know what they are talking about. Not only do they receive revelation from God about what to tell us, they've been in our shoes. They have been through our stage of life. Sure, President Monson probably didn't have a phone when he was in school, but he still went to school. He, and all of the other apostles and prophets know what we're going through and can impart wisdom to us accordingly.
3. The prophets, apostles. and other speakers will tell us what Heavenly Father wants us to know right now.  I actually don't know what else to say about this. It speaks for itself. The speakers pray for so much guidance in choosing their topic and preparing their words. Their goal is to be a conduit for Heavenly Father, and they achieve that by paying close attention to the Holy Ghost when they are pondering over which words to speak. This allows them to speak what Heavenly Father wants them to say.

What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my ^aword shall not pass away, but shall all be ^bfulfilled, whether by mine own ^cvoice or by the ^dvoice of my ^eservants, it is the ^fsame.

-Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

I know that every one of us will benefit from watching conference. I love it. And I'm so grateful for it! I'm grateful for my Father in Heaven who loves His children enough to send the Holy Ghost and living Prophets to give us guidance and counsel. 

 

A Good Friend, and a Timely Answered Prayer

Well, a couple days ago I was really struggling. Usually I am very confident in myself, but some boys had done some mean things to me and I was starting to doubt if anyone loved me.  I tried rationalizing that nobody loved me; maybe friends were just pretending, or they just didn't really care. I wondered if I was a burden.  I just felt kind of pointless. And, I was scared for the future. In school, we had been talking about careers and classes and college. I was scared. I was afraid that I didn't have what it would take to stay standing in the hurricane that I knew the future would be. I just felt so alone.  Mostly, I wondered if I was conducting myself in a way that made people want to love me.
So, late at night, I decided to pray. At first I thought "Well, you should know that you are loved. Look what Heavenly Father has done for you." But I just felt so alone. I was afraid that I would get an answer to my prayer, but I wouldn't know how to receive it or interpret it.
Then, I remembered that somewhere- whether in church, the scriptures, or a general conference talk- I had read that we must have faith.  Once we displayed faith the Lord would bless us. So, I decided to just try.  I prayed that Heavenly Father would help me feel like I was loved.
After praying, I was planning on reading my scriptures to help me feel better. But my hand just started reaching for my iPod to check facebook. I just felt like I needed check facebook. So I did. And I found that one of my best friends in the whole entire world had posted on my facebook wall. It said:

Dear Whitney,
I love you a lot and have been thinking about you lately!! YOU are the BESTEST FRIEND anyone could have!! YOu are amazing and fantastic! I want you to know that everyone loves you a lot, i mean who couldn't love you? I hope you are having a great day! I LOVE YOU LOTS!!!!!
Love,
(Name has been removed for security reasons)

As i read this, I started bawling. These were exactly the words I needed to hear. I literally needed these words.  Word for word.
I just have to marvel at how the Lord answers our prayers. Later, I was talking to the friend who sent me that message, and she said that she just had a feeling that she should leave me a message on facebook. We realized that it was the Holy Ghost. The Lord knew what I would need and when I would need it. And because I have chosen amazing friends who are in tune with the Spirit, I have been blessed that they can help me when I need it most.

I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father who loves me and listens to my prayers. I'm grateful for all of my friends, but especially the lovely friend that helped me the other day, and who I know with a surety loves me. I'm so grateful for that.

Scripture in my DAILY life... :)

The key word in my title is DAILY!!! Can you tell? :) As you might have read a while ago, I am participating in a YW activity where we must read The Book of Mormon everyday for an upcoming activity. And, some amazing things have been happening as I have done that.
I am able to feel that the Holy Ghost is with me more often. I am happier, more peaceful, more energetic, and more in tune with the Holy Ghost those days that I have read. If I ever skip a day- I can tell!!!! I feel less happy, and I notice a decreased measure of the Spirit's influence in my day. I don't feel necessarily sad, and I don't necessarily not have the Spirit, but there is less. Noticeably so.  Those days, I have wondered, "What is different today? Why don't I feel as happy, or peaceful today? Why do I feel less of the Holy Ghost?" And, I know it is because I haven't read the scriptures that day. And the days when I do read, I feel an increased measure of the Spirit. I can almost always feel a sense of peace. I can feel my Savior's love for me more strongly. And, I have confidence because I know that I'm doing the right thing. When I read the scriptures daily, I have an increased sensitivity to notice and appreciate the blessings that my Heavenly Father gives me. I am able to receive answers to prayers better.
Lately, I have been fasting and praying that I may learn how to manage my time more efficiently. The days I read my scriptures I notice many blessings: I can get all of my homework satisfactorily finished, I get to bed on time, I am waaaaaay less stressed, and my day generally runs smoother. On the days that I haven't read my scriptures, these things haven't necessarily been happening. It is amazing to see the blessings I receive when I read my scriptures.
As I have read the scriptures everyday, I have been blessed with an increased capacity to love help others. When my friends or family have need help, the Spirit is with me. And I am able to give more than I would be able to without the Lord's help.
I am able to have more love for myself when I read my scriptures. Lately, I've been starting to be able to see myself as the Savior sees me. I feel truly beautiful and worth-while when I read the Book of Mormon. ANd throughout the day, when I look in the mirror, I don't have to worry if my hair or clothes will impress my peers, because I know that Jesus loves me for who I am, no matter what. And I know that He took on all of my sins because of that love for me. With this confidence and self-esteem, I am able to give my best everyday, because I know that my best is good enough for the Lord.

To learn more about the Book of Mormon, click here.

To learn more about the Savior, click here.

To learn more about the Holy Ghost (also referred to as the Spirit), click here.

The Lord's Help... He will help you.

I know i didn't post yesterday, but I was literally doing homework all afternoon and night. So, I'm posting today. :) So, these past weeks of school have been kind of tough for me.  Well, mostly it's after school that's hard to manage.  This year I am getting much more homework than I am used to. Much much more.  Because I am in honors, the work is also harder. So it has been very hard getting used to the expectations that are now set for me. But, I am so grateful for the Divine help that my Heavenly Father is giving me. Lately, my math grades have been suffering because my homework grades have been bad. I was literally doing the best I could, but it wasn't enough. Also, my homework levels were totally stressing me out. So, I prayed about it. A lot. I felt that I should ask my parents for help, and they were glad to give it to me. But, my homework still took a lot of time. My sleep was getting cut shorter because of all of my work. So, I kept praying. And, God helped me. Last night, I had to study for two giant tests (one of which was math, it would make or break my grade). All I did was study and do homework. And even though it took my whole afternoon and evening, I noticed that assignments that I thought would take a while, took less time than I thought they would. At the end of the night, I got everything done, I was well prepared for my tests, and I was able to get to bed at a good time.
Today, I prayed before school, and before each test. There was only one question on each test that I didn't know the answer to. The rest I feel like I aced! I prayed for peace, a clear mind, and help recalling all that I had studied, and Heavenly Father did help me.
In fact, right before my math test, I had just had a very frustrating lesson in biology, and I was very upset. I was almost in tears because I couldn't understand the material. I was still wound up from that when I had to start my test. I prayed and asked my Father in Heaven to help  me focus, and He really did help me clear my mind. I wasn't even thinking about biology!
I have really learned that God doesn't prevent trials and hardships, but he does help us through them if we ask. I am know realizing that hardships are meant to help strengthen our faith in Heavenly Father.  That is the whole point of adversity. And I have truly felt my faith strengthened. I am truly realizing that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want Him to. He is perfect, and know exactly what we need. And, things always turn out better when we humble ourselves enough to let Him guide our lives and show us the path to take. This experience has really improved my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I really do know that I am a child of God. I know that He loves me. I know that Jesus really know exactly how I feel- all the time because He suffered just for us. Every single pain, affliction, embarrassment, discomfort, stress. And, I know that They both love me more than I can fathom. I know that I have this knowledge to help others. And I am so grateful for this. I really love my Heavenly Father and Savior.
And, I really do know that if you ask Him for help, He will give it to you.